Ernie Accorsi is a wreck during games. The long-time football executive, best known for his tenure as general manager of the New York Giants from 1998 to 2007, can barely stand to watch the action on Sundays. “You’re helpless up there,” he says of watching games from the press box. “You’re totally helpless.”
Typically, during his most nervous moments, Accorsi would head down to the ground level of a stadium and walk the corridors, periodically peering in through the tunnels to check what was happening on the field — determining the rest by crowd noise.
Twenty years ago, Accorsi had the most relaxing fourth quarter of his life as an executive. During the NFC Championship Game at Giants Stadium, he ditched the sterile press box, headed down to field level and, instead of pacing, stood proudly in the tunnel taking in the scene. The Giants, underdogs that day, were leading the visiting Vikings, 41-0.
“Standing there in the tunnel, just feeling the electricity in the crowd because they knew it, they were chanting ‘Super Bowl,’” Accorsi remembers, “that was one of the great feelings I’ve ever had in my life.”
Entering the 2000 season, the Giants were nobody’s idea of an NFC contender. They had missed the playoffs the previous two seasons and five of the previous six. They hadn’t won a playoff game since Phil Simms and Lawrence Taylor wore blue, and head coach Jim Fassel was coaching for his job in his fourth season.
That tension reached its zenith the week of Thanksgiving. A promising start had crashed in back-to-back home blowout losses, first to the frontrunning Rams and then to the mediocre Lions. The morning before Thanksgiving, New York was 7-4, in third in the NFC East, and thanks to tiebreakers on the outside of the NFC playoff picture.
John Fox, defensive coordinator: The team was pretty low after that game with Detroit … I can remember at the team prayer after that game thinking, “God, we’re not very good.”
Fassel: Every team has ups and downs. It’s the way you handle it as a coach. You’ve got to have a, I don’t know, a belief to each other about what we’re going to do. I believed in those guys. I believed that we had that. I told the coaches that we’re going to remain positive.
In his Wednesday gathering with the media, Fassel expressed that belief memorably.
“If you’ve got the laser, put it right on my chest, I’ll take full responsibility. I’m raising the stakes right now,” he said. “If this is a poker game, I’m shoving my chips to the middle of the table. I’m raising the ante. Anybody who wants in can get in, anybody who wants out can get out: This team is going to the playoffs.”
The New York Times called it “a passionate, unsolicited and wholly uncharacteristic speech” from “the Mister Rogers of football.”
Bob Papa, radio broadcaster: Everybody viewed it as a little shocking, which gave it more credence. That’s something that (Bill) Parcells would do, or a coach with a different disposition would do. It was out of character for Fassel, and that helped it carry more weight and resonate with everybody inside the building.
Fassel: It’s our job (as coaches) to make the adjustments. That’s our job. So I put it on the coaches, and the players knew that I put it on the coaches. And I included myself, you know?
Accorsi: He put himself on the line. In a situation like we were in, I never worried about if somebody stirs something up. If everything’s going smoothly and we’re 9-1, don’t disturb the waters. But in that kind of situation, throw caution to the wind. I’m not saying that was the reason, but it turned out that it helped us because it got us stimulated. It caught everybody’s interest.
Fox: Our team did respond. It was like, “OK, our leader has said he’s all-in, so we better be all-in.”
Keith Hamilton, defensive tackle: He didn’t mess around. Him coming out saying that meant a lot to the team, it uplifted everybody. I remember practice was upbeat, and we took care of business.
Papa: I thought it was a stroke of genius by Fassel to do it as they were getting ready to play the Cardinals, who weren’t a very good team. It was the perfect game to give the team confidence. He pressed the exact right button at the right time.
The Giants beat backup quarterback Dave Brown in Arizona, 31-7, that weekend, then upset Washington on the road 9-7 the following week when Eddie Murray missed a late field goal.
Accorsi: If Murray makes that kick, I don’t think we make the playoffs.
The Giants stretched their winning streak to five to close out the season with victories over the Steelers, Cowboys and Jaguars. Thanks to second-half swoons by St. Louis and Minnesota, the Week 17 win over Jacksonville clinched home-field advantage for New York. The Giants dispatched the division-rival Eagles for a third time that season in the Divisional Playoff, setting up an NFC Championship Game against the Vikings. Although the road team, Minnesota was favored by two points.
“(The Giants) surprised me, I think they’ve surprised everybody,” John Madden said pregame on the Fox broadcast. “The keyword is they’ve done it as a team … Today they’ve got to do more than that.”
Jessie Armstead, linebacker: Going into that game, they were saying nobody could stop that offense.
The Vikings had a 1,500-yard rusher in Robert Smith, two 1,000-yard receivers in Randy Moss and Cris Carter and a Pro Bowl quarterback in Daunte Culpepper.
Fassel: I thought we could beat them. I thought it was going to be a close game.
Accorsi: If you look at that offensive lineup, I kidded John Fox: “The Vikings score 400 touchdowns between midnight and 8 in the morning when I try to sleep.” Fox turned to me and said, “We might shut them out.”
Fox: We matched up pretty good. Our defensive front was very good, so I thought we could handle the run game pretty well. They had two big wideouts, we had two big corners.
They had a little bit of a tendency where when they were in shotgun it would be a pass and when the quarterback was under it was run. So we had a couple of automatics in the game based on that backfield set that would permit us to play an extra guy in the box. That was pretty advantageous to us as well.
Fassel: I really thought in my head, these guys think they’re coming in here to kick our ass, and that ain’t gonna happen. I did stuff to jab our team. I wanted to make sure my team understood this is the highest scoring team in the league and everybody’s betting on them. To use that kind of thing. They’re betting on them, they’re gonna kick our ass. And had fun with it.
Hamilton: We knew they couldn’t beat us. The coaching staff knew they could not beat us. We were confident.
That confidence existed on the other side of the ball, as well. While the media posited that a characteristically cold and windy day at Giants Stadium would behoove the home team, offensive coordinator Sean Payton was praying for better weather. When he saw a mild forecast, he confidently told his offense it could hang a hundred on Minnesota’s defense. He dubbed it “Air Force week,” building a game plan around quarterback Kerry Collins’ arm rather than the team’s traditional running game.
📷Amani Toomer finished the game with six catches for 88 yards and a touchdown. (Stan Honda / AFP via Getty Images)
Papa: He thought the Giants could pass all over the Vikings. We started to get a sense they were licking their chops. Talking to the players, they couldn’t wait.
Fassel: I could see it; I knew we were good the way we warmed up, the way we talked. And it was good we could play at our place.
Giants Stadium was packed with fans waving white towels well before the 12:30 p.m. kickoff, riled up by honorary captains Lawrence Taylor, Harry Carson and Ottis Anderson — who spent the rest of the day on the sidelines with the team.
Accorsi: It was electric in there. It really was.
Fox: A lot of people don’t realize that’s way more electric than the Super Bowl. It doesn’t have the meaning of the Super Bowl, but as far as the stadium atmosphere with real fans, it’s pretty wild.
Armstead: You had all the legends. You realize you weren’t just playing for yourself. When you go to the sidelines, those guys were out on the field and you had to perform.
Hamilton: Looking at Lawrence Taylor and looking at Harry Carson, you can’t even make that up. They’re on the sidelines; that’s a dream come true. That’s everything. I don’t know how to put that into words.
It was the offense that set the tone, though. Winning the toss and electing to receive, the Giants marched 74 yards on four plays, culminating in Collins’ 46-yard vertical seam touchdown strike to Ike Hilliard. The Vikings fumbled the ensuing kickoff, New York defensive back Lyle West recovered, and Collins hit fullback Greg Comella on a wheel route for another touchdown on the next play. In 143 seconds, the Giants were up 14-0.
Hamilton: That gave us a jolt. We weren’t used to the offense doing too much.
Armstead: Our thing was, if our offense scores 17 points, we’ll win the football game.
Papa: Everything they talked about during the week was starting to unfold. But you were still incredulous because you kept waiting for the Vikings to get their mojo going, and it never happened.
Fox: It was 14-0 and I’m not sure anybody had broken a sweat yet.
“I don’t think in their wildest dreams could they have dreamt this,” said Madden on the broadcast.
The onslaught did not stop there. The Giants hounded Culpepper into quick throws and frustrated Moss and Carter with physical coverage. And the “Air Force” approach continued on offense, as Collins meticulously picked apart the Minnesota defense in a first half for the ages.
He hit Joe Jurevicius in the back of the end zone to make it 24-0 early in the second quarter. “This is unbelievable!” said Madden. Pat Summerall added, “I thought the Giants had a chance, but wow!”
📷Joe Jurevicius had just two catches for 15 yards but one went for a touchdown. (Ezra O. Shaw / Allsport)
With the seconds ticking down in the first half, Collins found Hilliard for a second time in the end zone for a 34-0 lead.
Collins finished the half 23-of-34 for 338 yards and four touchdowns — already a franchise record for passing yards in a playoff game (and 101 more yards, incidentally, than Collins combined for in New York’s two other playoff games that season). On Fox, Terry Bradshaw called it “the most impressive half of football by a quarterback and an offense I’ve ever seen.”
It was a validating performance for Collins — and for the team that signed him at his low point. He had been the fifth overall pick in the 1995 draft by Carolina, leading the Panthers to the NFC Championship Game in his second season. But by the time he was a free agent, he’d been waived by Carolina, had played poorly in a cameo with New Orleans, had battled alcoholism and been accused of racism.
Fassel got emotional talking about Collins’ performance that day.
Fassel: It was fabulous. I’ll tell you this: Some of this stuff coming back to me really means a lot. Kerry was out. People cut him, we picked him up, and nobody really thought Kerry Collins was going to be a great quarterback. He was just amazing. He came in and he was a leader. He played so confidently, like “This is my game, guys, I’ve got them.” And that carried to the whole team.
The 34-point halftime lead remains the largest in the history of the NFC Championship Game.
Hamilton: That was amazing. I couldn’t have been prouder of the preparation that went into the game, the things (the offense) did, and they excelled. They just took off.
Fox: Payton had said (before the game), “How many you gonna need?” I told him 31. Well it was 34-0 and we were running in and he said, “Is that enough?” I said, “Hell no!”
Fassel: I told Fox (at halftime), “If they score 35 points, you’re fired!”
Armstead: Nobody’s going to come back on our defense at 34-0. That’s impossible. There was no way with the guys we had on that defense that we’d tolerate 14 points, nevertheless 34.
Culpepper fumbled on the first play of the second half, with Collins throwing a fifth TD pass moments later, this time to Amani Toomer. “The Viking defense looks like it’s chairs,” said Madden. Later, he added, “The Giants have broken the Minnesota Vikings’ will.”
Hamilton: There’s no question. You’ve been fighting a man all day for a couple hours, the look in their eyes is a different look. Ain’t no colorful words for it. They know when it’s time to go home.
📷The Giants sacked Culpepper four times and intercepted him three times. (Ezra Shaw / Allsport)
Collins was replaced by backup Jason Garrett with 12:53 remaining in the fourth quarter; the Giants proceeded on a 19-play drive to run out the clock. It’s tied for the seventh-largest margin of victory in an NFL playoff game in the Super Bowl era. An underdog has never won by more.
Armstead: We were mad at Coach Fassel. We were like, “Hey, let’s get 50!”
Fassel: I don’t think I’ve ever been in a game like that … We just annihilated them. It wasn’t luck, it wasn’t like at the last minute. We just kicked their butt right from the beginning.
Armstead: You know how hard it is to win a ballgame in the National Football League, to be in the playoffs against a team that was predicted to be in the Super Bowl — to beat them 41-0 was the most amazing thing about it.
Papa: I’ll say to this day, it’s the greatest win and the greatest performance by a Giants team in the history of that stadium.
Fox: Watching them construct that stage at the end of the game, I can remember looking at my three sons saying, “We’re going to the freakin’ Super Bowl!” Everybody in the league — whether you’re a coach, scout, an administrator, an owner, a player — that’s your goal: to go to the Super Bowl.
Hamilton: Just to be a part of that, in that atmosphere, the fans were happy because they came to the game to watch a winner. I was happier for them than for me.
Armstead: We were on a real high. I wish we could have played that following week against Baltimore.
The high, of course, didn’t last. Two weeks later in the Super Bowl, Collins was intercepted four times and the Giants didn’t score an offensive point against the record-setting Ravens defense. They lost Super Bowl XXXV, 34-7.
Accorsi: As a franchise that has won four Super Bowls, that’s why that team doesn’t have a great legacy.
But for one day, they were as good as the Giants had ever been.
Fassel: One thing, as a coach, when the guys go out and play so good, you do have to think to yourself: I guess I handled them pretty good this week.

A list of every Unus Annus video name

I made a list of every Unus Annus video name. Posting this here because someone wanted to see it and a comment doesn't allow more than 1000 characters.

November 15th - Unus Annus
(note- The Very Start.)

November 15th - Cooking with Sex Toys
(note- 365 Days Left)

November 16th - Purging Our Sins with a Net Pot

November 17th - Hot Dog'd to Death

November 18th - Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank

November 19th - The Good Kind of Cupping

November 20th - The Bad Kind of Cupping

November 21st - The Worst Kind of Cupping

November 22nd - Ethan Will Be Kicked in the Balls

November 23rd - Doing Each Other's Makeup in the Dark

November 24th - Baby Hands Operation

November 25th - Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost

November 26th - 2 Truths and 1 Lie -- Waxing Edition

November 27th - Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surpise...)

November 28th - Play-Doh Thanksgiving

November 29th - Helium Therapy

November 30th - Drawing Memes From Memory

December 1st - 1 Man 100 Accents

December 2nd - An A.I. Predicts How We're Going to Die

December 3rd - Mark Turns Ethan into a Mummy to Prepare Him for the Great Beyond

December 4th - The Cubby Gummy Challenge

December 5th - We Buy a Professional Hypnosis Video and React To It

December 6th - Mark and Ethan Attempt and Escape Room

December 7th - Ethan Destroys Mark's Van with a Bat

December 8th - There's Still Hope...

December 9th - Ethan Gives Mark a Viking Funeral

December 10th - The Great Meat Mistake

December 11th - Acupuncture Is NOT Painful

December 12th - Floating in a Real Sensory Deprivation Tank

December 13th - Mark Reviews The Impossible Burger But There's a Looming Sense of Impending Doom
(note- Paintball gun)

December 14th - We Made Nude Pictures of Eachother

December 15th - You made Beautiful Music for The Barrel... But Only One Could Win

December 16th - We Had To Drink Each Other's Pee
(note- The first of the Pee Trilogy)

December 17th - Ethan Explores Mark's Haunted Basement

December 18th - Giving Away Our 1,000,000 Subscriber Gold Play Button

December 19th - Ethan's Relaxing and Totally Normal Naul Salon

December 20th - Taped and Afraid

December 21st - What Was The Most Painful Thing We've Ever Endured?

December 22nd - Donating Toys to charity w/ JackSepticEye

December 23rd - Harnessing Our Dogs' Unlimited Energy

December 24th - Santa's Mukbang (Drinking 1 Gallon of Eggnog)

December 25th - Forcibly Turning Mark Into Santa Claus Against His Will

December 26th - Preserving Ourselves In Wax
(note- JackSepticEye was also here!)

December 27th - Beating Inanimate Objects to Death

December 28th - Emotional Pain vs Physical Pain... Which is worse?

December 29th - Duct Tape Crusifixion (Amy, Please Don't Watch This Video)

December 30th - You Blink You Lose

December 31th - 2 Grown Men Attempt the Presidential Fitness Test

January 1st - We Took The Polar Plunge

Janurary 2nd - Hiding Out Sins from Amy's Holy Peepers

January 3rd - We Eat Bugs

January 4th - DIY Bungee Jump (Please don't try this)
(note- Disclamer Song Origin)

January 5th - We Have The BEST Thumbnails on Youtube and No One Can Tell Us Otherwise

January 6th - Who Can Make Themselves Taller?

January 7th - The Sensory Overload Tank

January 8th - Recreating Ourselves as a Cursed Mannequin

January 9th - We Took an IQ Test

January 10th - Ethan Fianlly Becomes a MAN

January 11th - Mark and Ethan Go Casket Shopping

January 12th - We Take a Lie Detector Test to Uncover Our Darkest Sins

January 13th - Learning to Breathe Underwater

January 14th - Fixing Mark's Hole with Ramen but Every Time We Add Glue We Get 5% Closer to God
(note- The hole made in the video where Mark punched a hole in the wall)

January 15th - Mark Steals Ethan's Face

January 16th - You Breathe You Die

January 17th - 2 Absolute Beginners Experience the Dancing Glory that is Salsa

January 18th - DIY Geriatric Simulator

January 19th - This Is How We'll Die...

January 20th - We Cryogenically Freeze Ourselves

January 21st - This is What Being Tased Feels Like

January 22nd - What Happens When A Youtube Channel Dies?

January 23rd - Bad Bad Beans

January 24th - We hired a Real Hypnotherapist to Analyze Our Darkest Dreams

January 25th - We Turned Our Bodies Into Art
(note- painting each other naked)

January 26th - Mark and Ethan Lean About The Human Body

January 27th - Mark Punishes Ethan

January 28th - Strange (and legal) Things You Can Do With Your Body After Death

January 29th - DIY Cheese

January 30th - Hacking The Very Fabric of the Universe

January 31st - Looking at Long Lost Memes

February 1st - Discovering the Secret to Eternal Life

February 2nd - Turning Mark Into an E-Boy

February 3rd - Ethan Redefines Male Beauty

February 4th - Professional Fire Cupping (Going Even Further Beyond)

February 5th - An Extremely Sour, Not-at-all Sour Meal

February 6th - Literally Eating Fire

February 7th - Unregulated Axe Throwing

February 8th - Literally Laying On Broken Glass

February 9th - Making an Indoor Tornado to Flex on Mother Nature

February 10th - Nutball: The Most Dangerous Game
(note- First of the Nutball Trilogy)

February 11th - Becoming a Master of Mime

February 12th - Discussing the Idea of Murdering Each Other bit It's Just a Joke and Definitely Not Serious Haha

February 13th - Are We Already Dead?

February 14th - Our Perfect (and last) Valentine's Day

February 15th - Drunk College Party Simulator

February 16th - 10 Strange Amazon Paroducts Ethan Bought Mark Because He Doesn't Know How To Spend Money Responsibly

February 17th - Chickens Teach Us About Life and Death

February 18th - 3 Big Boys Attempt the Kings Royal Fitness Test

February 19th - Being Attacked by a Fully Trained Bodyguard Dog

February 20th - Learning the Ancient Art of Chinese Archery

February 21st - The Ultimate Trolley Problem

February 22nd - Goat Yoga

February 23rd - Edible Slime was a Mistake

February 24th - Granting Acces Into Heaven's Sweet Gates

February 25th - Long Hair, Do We Dare?
(note- With Marks Quarintine Hair, yes, he did dare)

February 26th - We Wrote a Hit Pop Song in 30 Minutes

February 27th - Mark and Ethan go on a "Drum Date"

February 28th - Blowing Our Souls Into Some Hot Glass

February 29th - Top 10 Worst Things Your Friend Could Possibly Spend Their Money On

March 1st - Nutball Extreme: Taser Edition
(note- Second of the Nutball Trilogy)

March 2nd - REAL Ghost Hunting at an Abandoned Zoo

March 3rd - We Bought a Camera That Can Look Inside Us

March 4th - Becoming the World's Greatest DJs

March 5th - Who Can Teach Their Dog a Trick the Fastest?

March 6th - Middle School Science Experiment Teaches Us About Life and Death
(note- Owl pellets)

March 7th - DIY Chiropractor

March 8th - Mark and Ethan Get Into a Fight

March 9th - The Barrel - Offical Music Video

March 10th - We Got Pepper Sprayed

March 11th - We Give Each Other Tattoos Blindfolded

March 12th - What Does Astrology Say About Our Friendship?

March 13th - Mark and Ethan Get a Full Body Scan to See What Secrets Lay Hidden Within (and learn their body fat)

March 14th - Mark Needs To Rub Ethan and Only His Mom Can Help Him

March 15th - 2 Idiots Get Crushed by 18-Foot Giant Snakes

March 16th - Beer Sauna: Turning a Portable Sauna into a Portable Hell
(note- The video where Pee Sauna was first mentioned)

March 17th - Mark and Ethan Hunt The World's Most Wanted Criminals

March 18th - Unus Annus Carves the Roast Beast

March 19th - 5 Weird Apps That Predicted Our Death

March 20th - We Tried a Labor Pain Simulator

March 21st - Recreating the Miracle of Childbirth

March 22nd - Mark and Ethan Are Now Fathers

March 23rd - We Force James Charles to Run a Military Obstacle Course

March 24th - Desperately Trying To Not Touch Our Faces
(note- Start of Quarintine videos)

March 25th - Reddit 50/50: Two Player Edition

March 26th - Going on an Internet Scavenger Hunt

March 27th - Having an Adventure In VR Chat Becuase We Can't Go Outside

March 28th - Amazon Shopping for the Apocalypse

March 29th - Whom Would Eat Whomst First in a Zombie Apocalypse?

March 30th - Ultimate Youtuber Boxing Showdown

March 31st - The Deep End of Omegle: Risky Boogalo
(note- This video was deleted for an unknown reason)

April 1st - Where in the World is Unus Annus?
(note- Timer was at 401 days)

April 2nd - Mark Builds a Pillow Fort for the Very First Time

April 3rd - Mark's 1 Weird Talent Leaves Ethan Absolutely Speechless

April 4th - Wikifeet: A Tale of 2 Tootsies

April 5th - We Made Every YouTuber Battle in the Hunger Games

April 6th - We Google Each Other to Find Our Darkest Forgotten Sins

April 7th - We Played Mad Libs and Ran It Through Google Translate

April 8th - Mark and Ethan Desperately Try and Nae a Single State in the USA

April 9th - Speed Reading 1000+ WPM To Gain a Complete Understanding of All Human Knowledge

April 10th - What is the Least Viewed Video on YouTube

April 11th - We Found Websites That The World Forgot About

April 12th - The Scariest True Stories on the Internet

April 13th - How to NOT be the Perfect Boyfriend

April 14th - Mark and Ethan Find The Lost City of EL Dorado

April 15th - Mark and Ethan Bet Everything on a Wikipedia Race

April 16th - The Creepiest Videos on Youtube

April 17th - Help Us Break a YouTube World Record
(note- The birth of Norbert Moses. The video was called "Subscribe to Norbert Moses")

April 18th - 2 Men 200 Accents

April 19th - The Illuminati... Do They Really Exist?

April 20th - Using Google Maps to Find the Lost City of Atlantis

April 21st - Reading YOUR Scariest True Stories

April 22nd - Mark and Ethan Take a Personality Test

April 23rd - Will AI Soon Take Over Humanity As We Know It?

April 24th - Running Internet Drama through Google Translate

April 25th - The Secret Unus Annus NO-Touchy-Touchy Hand Shake

April 26th - Two Male Men Judge Female Women on Their Beauty

April 27th - Bored? Press This Button.

April 28th - Don't Go in the Ocean... Ever.

April 29th - We Explore the Most MYSTERIOUS Mysteries of our Wildy Mysterious Mystery Moon of Mysteries

April 30th - We Looked at Unus Annus Memes

May 1st - Is Mark a Masochist?
(note- yes.)

May 2nd - What the Hell is a Pink Trombone?

May 3rd - Professional Fetish Scientists Rank the Best/Worst Fetishes of 2020

May 4th - Mark and Ethan Desperately Attempt to Feel Something

May 5th - An A.I. Generates Out Worst Nightmare

May 6th - Are Reptilian Humanoids Living Among us?

May 7th - Like It or Not... This is What The New Human Looks Like

May 8th - Eating Only Onions for 24 Hours: How Many Onions Does it Take to Kill a Man?

May 9th - Unus Annus ASMR

May 10th - We Attempted to Create THICC Water

May 11th - Making Our Own Gravestones to Prepare For Our Inevitable Demise

May 12th - How Tall Can A Human Get?: An Impartial Review by 2 Average Height Men

May 13th - Mark Teaches Ethan Korean

May 14th - Bigfoot is Real and It Ate My Friend

May 15th - The End of Unus Annus is Almost Here...
(note- The Halfway point)

May 16th - We Explore the Unus Annus Subreddit for Your Delicious Memes

May 17th - How Big Can a Nuke Get?

May 18th - How Much Caffeine Does It Take to Kill a Man?

May 19th - Drinking Real THICC Water... How Bad Does It Taste?

May 20th - We Played Strip Poker
(note- Mark lost so badly. Ethan also cheated on the first game)

May 21st - Harnessing Our Yodeling Power to End the World aAs We Know It

May 22nd - Mark Cooks Blindfolded While Ethan Guides Him Through FaceTime

May 23rd - We Played the Newlywed Game While Consuimg That Which Will Kill the Other

May 24th - DIY Boob

May 25th - We Have the Best Bellies on Youtube

May 26th - The Unus Annus Confessional Booth

May 27th - DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2080
(note- Mark will be 90 and Ethan will be 83)

May 28th - Only UNUS-es May Watch This Video
(note- Unus vs Annus. Most Likes to Win.)

May 28th - Only ANNUS-es May Watch This Video
(note- Annus vs Unus. Most Likes to Win.)

May 29th - Only Watch from 2:15 to 6:11 --- DO NOT WATCH ANY OTHER PART OF THE VIDEO
(note- Annus Won)

May 30th - DIY Wine

May 31st - Tearing a Phone Book in Half with Our Huge Manly Muscles

June 1st - 2 Complete Amateurs Enter a Body Building Competition

June 2nd - BLACK LIVES MATTER. Resources and How You Can Help in the Description.
(note- This video was 8 Minutes and 47 seconds of silence)

June 3rd - Crushing Watermelons Betwixt Our Mighty Thighs

June 4th - Morphing Our Bodies Into Superhero Poses

June 5th - Reacting to Your Hilarious Green Screen Memes

June 6th - Mark Teaches Ethan to Read with Hooked on Phonics

June 7th - Ethan Roasts Mark of 15 Minutes Straight

June 8th - There's Something Horribly Wrong with This Picture...
(note- When they made their own creepy photos)

June 9th - Attempting to Build IKEA Furniture Without Instructions

June 10th - Mark and Ethan Become United State Citizens

June 11th - We Made Fanart for Each Other

June 12th - Our Fans Try and Scare Us with Their Homemade Creepypasta

June 13th - Recreating Childhood Photos

June 14th - Will We Break the Boards... Or Will They Break Us?

June 15th - Finding the Most Cursed Image on the Internet

June 16th - Learning to Cry on Command to Increase Our YouTube Views

June 17th - Pee Sauna
(note- The end of quarintine videos. Second of the Pee Trilogy)

June 18th - Building IKEA's Hardest Piece of Furniture Without Instruction is Impossible

June 19th - Becoming One With the Horse

June 20th - The Ultimate Paper Airplane Showdown

June 21st - Creating Mark FISHbach
(note- Origin of Mermer

June 22nd - Leaning How to Lock Pick (FBI Please Don't Watch)

June 23rd - The Most Dangerous Shave

June 24th - Ethan Traps Mark's Soul in the Palm of his Hand

June 25th - Bear Trapping 101: An Elegant Knot For An Elegant Beast

June 26th - 2 Men In a Trench Coat Teach You How to Save Money at the Movies

June 27th - Building the World's First IKEA Boat

June 28th - Ethan Teaches Mark How to Swim

June 29th - 10 Miracle Products to Give YOU the Thiccest Jaw on Planet Earth

June 30th - 2 Dirty Boys Wash Their Filthy Mouths Out with Soap

July 1st - Mark is Guilty. Ethan Has the Proof.

July 2nd - Recreating Mark's Childhood

July 3rd - We Put an Apple Watch in a Rock Tumbler

July 4th - Dummy Thicc for Dummies | A Tale of 2 Butts | Pushing Our Butts Even Further Beyond

July 5th - Reverse Engineering a Kite to Steal the Idea of Electricity From Benjamin Franklin

July 6th - The Candy Bra Challenge

July 7th - Mark and Ethan Look at a Puppy for 10 Minutes

July 8th - Unus Annus Try Pole Dancing

July 9th - This Is Hiding On Your Body RIGHT NOW.

July 10th - Tasting Weird Food Combos: Pickles and Chocolate? Ice Cream and Soy Sauce?

July 11th - The Unus Annus Space Program

July 12th - The Egg Smashing Game

July 13th - Can You Bake a Cookie from Cookie Dough Ice Cream?

July 14th - Bleachus Annus

July 15th - Dunking Oreos In Literally Anything But Milk

July 16th - Preparing a 5-Star Meal for Our Youtube Famous Dogs

July 17th - DIY Teeth

July 18th - How to Escape from a Hostage Situation

July 19th - Does This Magnetic Skincare Routine Really Work?

July 20th - DIY Bed of Nails : OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T EVER TRY THIS

July 21st - The Human Mop

July 22nd - Can Sound Therapy Heal All Wounds?

July 23rd - This Is The Most Dangerous Children's Toy Ever Made

July 24th - Would Chica Save Us From Drowning?

July 25th - We Do It Better Than Icarus Ever Could

July 26th - The Beginning of The End
(note- 110 days left. Start of the Desert videos)

July 27th - The Annual Unus Annus Dunk Contest

July 28th - Ultimate Horseshoes

July 29th - A Serious Conversation Under the Stars
(note- Last of the Desert videos)

July 30th - Recharging Our Phones Using Only Brute Strength

July 31st - 5 Products to Grow Your Patchy Beard

August 1st - Mark Teaches Ethan How to Play the Trumpet

August 2nd - Playing Cards: The World's Deadliest Weapon

August 3rd - We Lubed Our Floor For a Sliding Competition

August 4th - Breaking Glass With Our Screams

August 5th - This is Goodbye
(note- 100 Days Left)

August 6th - Mark and Ethan Share a Drink

August 7th - The Wubble

August 8th - Mark and Ethan Shave Chica

August 9th - DO NOT TRY THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

August 10th - Judging Your Terrible Unus Annus Ideas

August 11th - Hydro Dipping a Baby

August 12th - Popping Popcorn with a High-Powered Laser

August 13th - Puberty Simulator

August 14th - Grip Strength Test: Loser Becomes the Winner's Butler for a Day
(note- Ethan "won" but Mark never became his Butler)

August 15th - Transforming Mark into the 8th Wonder of the World

August 16th - Momiplier Teaches Self-Defense

August 17th - Playing Children's Games in Total Darkness

August 18th - We're Better Than Dogs

August 19th - The Koala Challenge: TikTok's Intimate Couple's Trend

August 20th - 1 Gallon of Jello Nearly Broke Us

August 21st - Too Many Pickles
(note- The Video before the start of Camp Unus Annus)

August 22nd - Pitching a Tent in the Woods But There's a Bear 15 Feet Away
(note- Start of Camp Unus Annus. Mark was Blind while Ethan was Deaf)

August 23rd - How to Rescue a Cat from a Tree

August 24th - A Bear Attacked Us in the Middle of the Night

August 25th - How to Safely Bury Your Friend

August 26th - Team Building for 2: Trust Fall, Tug-of-War, and More!

August 27th - How to Start a Fire (except don't...)
(note- The infamous video where Unus appears at the window before Mark kills Ethan)

August 28th - Mark's Outdoor Escape Room

August 29th - Hunting HeeHoo

August 30th - Was 2020 a Bad Year for Unus Annus?
(note- End of Camp Unus Annus)

August 31st - Mark Gives Ethan a HOT (stone) Massage

September 1st - We Smell Every Smell

September 2nd - How Many Slaps Does It Take to Cook a Chicken?

September 3rd - 2 Boys 2 Poops

September 4th - Mark Teaches Ethan How to March in a Marching Band

September 5th - We Finally Drank Our DIY Wine

September 6th - 2 Adults Take a 4th Grade Math Test

September 7th - Making Snow Cones With Literally Anything but Normal Flavors

September 8th - We Attempts Pottery Without Amy's Help

September 9th - Can Plants Feel Pain?

September 10th - How Far Can We Chuck a 16lbs Rock?

September 11th - We Pierced Each Other's Ears

September 12th - We Ate Dog Treats So You Don't Have To

September 13th - We Accidentally Made an SCP While Amy Was Away

September 14th - BEYBLADE NUTBALL
(note- The Finale of the Nutball Trilogy)

September 15th - Making the Ultimate Unus Annus Burger

September 16th - Making Soda With Literally Anything But Soda

September 17th - Pee Soda
(note- The Finale of the Pee Trilogy)

September 18th - Learning to Use The Force

September 19th - Brick Soccer

September 20th - We Attempt to Make Holy Water

September 21st - Amy Sent Us a Mystery Box

September 22nd - Mark Knows What Ethan Did...
(note- Ethan cheated on the Grip Test Video)

September 23rd - This Video Will Never Make Sense

September 24th - We Attempt to Make UNHOLY Water

September 25h - We Will Churn Thy Butter

September 26th - Ethan Teaches Mark Gymnastics

September 27th - The Great Ice Cream Cake Race

September 28th - Mark Teaches Ethan to Wrestle

September 29th - Ethan Watches as Mark Achieves the Impossible

September 30th - Consuming the World's Hottest Chip

October 1st - This Video Went Completely Out of Control

October 2nd - The 1000 High Five Challenge

October 3rd - Bobbing For Apples But the Water Keeps Getting Thiccer

October 4th - Mark Breaks His Nose On An Aerial Hoop
(note- Was the second time in one week)

October 5th - Mark and Ethan Milk a Goat

October 6th - Shooting Archery ON A HORSE

October 7th - DIY Minesweeper

October 8th - Literally Finding a needle in a Haystack

October 9th - Drawing on Each Other's Backs in Total Darkness

October 10th - This is For FUN and NOT a Fetish
(note- They were in black bags with a vacuum to such out the air)

October 11th - Mark Conquers His Fear of Night Swimming
(note- Birth of the Gongoozler)

October 12th - The Painful Wolrd of Aerial Silks

October 13th - We Bought Every Grinch Costume on Ebay

October 14th - Pumpkin Taste Tier List

October 15th - Learn to Jump Higher in 16 Minutes and 16 Seconds

October 16th - Bobbing for Literally Anything but Apples

October 17th - This Video is Completely Unedited
(note- This is the video where they shoved Wax up their nose and Marks got stuck)

October 18th - Momiplier Tells Us True Scary Stories from Korea

October 19th - Pumpkin Spice "Challenge"
(note- Similar to the Cinnamon Challenge excpet with Pumpkin Spice and don't do this please)

October 20th - Mark and Ethan Build a Scarecrow

October 21st - Preassure Waching Our Sins Away

October 22nd - We Force Mark to Swin in the Ocean (HIS GREATEST FEAR)
(note- First of the Two Boat videos)

October 23rd - Fighting Fish to the Deathin in the Deep Blue Sea
(note- Second of the Two Boat Videos

October 24th - Cryptid Olympics

October 25th - Phasmophobia in Real Life
(note- Ghost hunt time)

October 26th - Edward Pumpkin Hands
(note- First Video in big spooky house)

October 27th - Blood Bath

October 28th - The Unus Annus Annual Costume Contest
(note- Second Video in big spooky house)

October 29th - Ethan Turns Mark into a Werewolf

October 30th - Ethan Kidnapped Mark
(note- Third Video in big spooky house. Ethan made Mark an escape room)

October 31st - The Truth of Unus Annus
(note- Final Video in the big house. They open the Custom Coffin and change from their clothes into their suits. 13 Days Left)

November 1st - Accepting the Truth
(note- They Accept they are going to die. They remain in their suits from this point onward)

November 2nd - The Unus Annus Last Supper

November 3rd - Being Brutally Honest with Each Other
(note- Mark cries)

November 4th - Recreating Every Single Unus Annus Video
(note- 45 minutes and 11 seconds. Longest video)

November 5th - All Our Video Ideas That Never Happened

November 6th - Who's Cutting Onions In Here???

November 7th - The 1st Annual Unus Annus Roast

November 8th - God's Fitness Test

November 9th - Saying Goodbye to All Our Guests

November 10th - Everything's Legal If You're Dead
(note- Cooking with Sex Toys 2)

November 11th - 7 Minutes in Heaven | 7 Minutes in Hell
(note- Ethan got heaven, Mark got hell)

November 12th - The Unus Annus Annual Sleepover
(note- The final video.)

November 13th - Goodbye.
(note- The final livestream.)

Every single Unus Annus Video

Unus Annus, Cooking with Sex Toys, Purging Our Sins with a Neti Pot, Hot Dog'd to Death, Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank, The Good Kind of Cupping, The Bad Kind of Cupping, The Worst Kind of Cupping, Ethan Will Be Kicked in the Balls, Doing Each Other's Makeup in the Dark, Baby Hands Operation, Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost, 2 Truths and 1 Lie -- Waxing Edition, Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surprise...), Play-Doh Thanksgiving, Helium Therapy, Drawing Memes from Memory, 1 Man 100 Accents, An A.I. Predicts How We're Going to Die, Mark Turns Ethan into a Mummy to Prepare Him for the Great Beyond, The Chubby Gummy Challenge, We Buy a Professional Hypnosis Video and React To It, Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room, Ethan Destroys Mark's Van with a Bat, There's Still Hope..., Ethan Gives Mark a Viking Funeral, The Great Meat Mistake, Acupuncture Is NOT Painful, Floating in a Real Sensory Deprivation Tank, Mark Reviews The Impossible Burger But There's a Looming Sense of Impending Doom, We Made Nude Paintings of Eachother, You Made Beautiful Music for The Barrel... But Only One Could Win, We Had To Drink Each Other's Pee, Ethan Explores Mark's Haunted Basement, Giving Away Our 1,000,000 Subscriber Gold Play Button, Ethan's Relaxing and Totally Normal Nail Salon, Taped and Afraid, What Was The Most Painful Thing We've Ever Endured?, Donating Toys to Charity w/ JackSepticEye, Harnessing Our Dogs' Unlimited Energy, Santa's Mukbang (Drinking 1 Gallon of Eggnog), Forcibly Turning Mark Into Santa Claus Against His Will, Preserving Ourselves In Wax, Beating Inanimate Objects to Death, Emotional Pain vs Physical Pain... Which is Worse?, Duct Tape Crucifixion (Amy, Please Don't Watch This Video), You Blink You Lose, 2 Grown Men Attempt the Presidential Fitness Test, We Took The Polar Plunge, Hiding Our Sins from Amy's Holy Peepers, We Eat Bugs, DIY Bungee Jump (please don't try this), We Have The BEST Thumbnails on YouTube and No One Can Tell Us Otherwise, Who Can Make Themselves Taller?, The Sensory Overload Tank, Recreating Ourselves as a Cursed Mannequin, We Took an IQ Test, Ethan Finally Becomes a MAN, Mark and Ethan Go Casket Shopping, We Take a Lie Detector Test to Uncover Our Darkest Sins, Learning to Breathe Underwater, Fixing Mark's Hole with Ramen but Every Time We Add Glue We Get 5% Closer to God, Mark Steals Ethan's Face, You Breathe You Die, 2 Absolute Beginners Experience the Dancing Glory that is Salsa, DIY Geriatric Simulator, This Is How We'll Die..., We Cryogenically Freeze Ourselves, This is What Being Tased Feels Like, What Happens When A Youtube Channel Dies?, Bad Bad Beans, We Hired a Real Hypnotherapist to Analyze Our Darkest Dreams, We Turned Our Bodies Into Art, Mark and Ethan Learn About The Human Body, Mark Punishes Ethan, Strange (and legal) Things You Can Do With Your Body After Death, DIY Cheese, Hacking The Very Fabric of the Universe, Looking at Long Lost Memes, Discovering the Secret to Eternal Life, Turning Mark Into an E-Boy, Ethan Redefines Male Beauty, Professional Fire Cupping (Going Even Further Beyond), An Extremely Sour, Not-at-all Sour Meal, Literally Eating Fire, Unregulated Axe Throwing, Literally Laying On Literal Broken Glass, Making an Indoor Tornado to Flex on Mother Nature, Nutball: The Most Dangerous Game, Becoming a Master of Mime, Discussing the Idea of Murdering Each Other but It's Just a Joke and Definitely Not Serious Haha, Are We Already Dead?, Our Perfect (and last) Valentine's Day, Drunk College Party Simulator, 10 Strange Amazon Products Ethan Bought Mark Because He Doesn't Know How to Spend Money Responsibly, Chickens Teach Us About Life and Death, 3 Big Boys Attempt the King's Royal Fitness Test, Being Attacked by a Fully Trained Bodyguard Dog, Learning the Ancient Art of Chinese Archery, The Ultimate Trolley Problem, Goat Yoga, Edible Slime was a Mistake., Granting Access Into Heaven's Sweet Gates, Long Hair, Do We Dare?, We Wrote a Hit Pop Song in 30 Minutes, Mark and Ethan Go on a "Drum Date", Blowing Our Souls Into Some Hot Glass, Top 10 Worst Things Your Friend Could Possibly Spend Their Money On, Nutball Extreme: Taser Edition, REAL Ghost Hunting at an Abandoned Zoo, We Bought a Camera That Can Look Inside Us, Becoming the World's Greatest DJs, Who Can Teach Their Dog a Trick the Fastest?, Middle School Science Experiment Teaches Us About Life and Death, DIY Chiropractor, Mark and Ethan Get Into a Fight, The Barrel, We Got Pepper Sprayed, We Give Each Other Tattoos Blindfolded, What Does Astrology Say About Our Friendship?, Mark and Ethan Get a Full Body Scan to See What Secrets Lay Hidden Within (and learn their body fat), Mark Needs To Rub Ethan and Only His Mom Can Help Him, 2 Idiots Get Crushed by 18-Foot Giant Snakes, Beer Sauna: Turning a Portable Sauna into a Portable Hell, Mark and Ethan Hunt The World's Most Wanted Criminals, Unus Annus Carves the Roast Beast, 5 Weird Apps That Predicted Our Death, We Tried a Labor Pain Simulator, Recreating the Miracle of Childbirth, Mark and Ethan Are Now Fathers, We Force James Charles to Run a Military Obstacle Course, Desperately Trying To Not Touch Our Faces, Reddit 50/50: Two Player Edition, Going on an Internet Scavenger Hunt, Having an Adventure In VR Chat Because We Can't Go Outside, Amazon Shopping for the Apocalypse, Whom Would Eat Whomst First in a Zombie Apocalypse?, Ultimate YouTuber Boxing Showdown, The Deep End of Omegle: Risky Boogaloo, Where in the World is Unus Annus?, Mark Builds a Pillow Fort for the Very First Time, Mark's 1 Weird Talent Leaves Ethan Absolutely Speechless, Wikifeet: A Tale of 2 Tootsies, We Made Every YouTuber Battle in the Hunger Games, We Google Each Other to Find Our Darkest Forgotten Sins, We Played Mad Libs And Ran It Through Google Translate, Mark and Ethan Desperately Try and Name a Single State in the USA, Speed Reading 1000+ WPM to Gain a Complete Understanding of All Human Knowledge, What is the Least Viewed Video on YouTube?, We Found Websites That The World Forgot About, The Scariest True Stories on the Internet, How to NOT be the Perfect Boyfriend, Mark and Ethan Find The Lost City of El Dorado, Mark and Ethan Bet Everything on a Wikipedia Race, The Creepiest Videos on Youtube, Help Us Break a YouTube World Record, 2 Men 200 Accents, The Illuminati... Do They Really Exist?, Finding The Lost City of Atlantis, Reading YOUR Scariest True Stories, Mark and Ethan Take a Personality Test, Will AI Soon Take Over Humanity As We Know It?, Running Internet Drama through Google Translate, The Secret Unus Annus No-Touchy-Touchy Hand Shake, Two Male Men Judge Female Women on Their Beauty, Bored? Press This Button., Don't Go in the Ocean... Ever., We Explore the Most MYSTERIOUS Mysteries of our Wildy Mysterious Mystery Moon of Mysteries, We Looked at Unus Annus Memes, Is Mark a Masochist?, What the Hell is a Pink Trombone?, Professional Fetish Scientists Rank the Best/Worst Fetishes of 2020, Mark and Ethan Desperately Attempt to Feel Something, An A.I. Generates Our Worst Nightmare, Are Reptilian Humanoids Living Among us?, Like It or Not... This is What The New Human Looks Like, Eating Only Onions for 24 Hours: How Many Onions Does it Take to Kill a Man?, Unus Annus ASMR, We Attempted to Create THICC Water, Making Our Own Gravestones to Prepare For Our Inevitable Demise, How Tall Can A Human Get?: An Impartial Review by 2 Average Height Men, Mark Teaches Ethan Korean, Bigfoot is Real and It Ate My Friend, The End of Unus Annus is Almost Here..., We Explore the Unus Annus Subreddit for Your Delicious Memes, How Big Can a Nuke Get?, How Much Caffeine Does It Take to Kill a Man?, Drinking Real THICC Water... How Bad Does It Taste?, We Played Strip Poker, Harnessing Our Yodeling Power to End The World As We Know It, Mark Cooks Blindfolded While Ethan Guides Him Through FaceTime, We Play the Newlywed Game While Consuming That Which Will Kill the Other, DIY Boob, We Have the Best Bellies on Youtube, The Unus Annus Confessional Booth, DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2080, Only UNUS-es May Watch This Video, Only ANNUS-es May Watch This Video, Only Watch from 2:15 to 6:11 - Do Not Watch Any Other Part of This Video, DIY Wine, Tearing a Phone Book in Half with Our Huge Manly Muscles, 2 Complete Amateurs Enter a Body Building Competition, BLACK LIVES MATTER, Crushing Watermelons Betwixt Our Mighty Thighs, Morphing Our Bodies Into Superhero Poses, Reacting to Your Hilarious Green Screen Memes, Mark Teaches Ethan to Read with Hooked on Phonics, Ethan Roasts Mark for 15 Minutes Straight, There's Something Horribly Wrong with This Picture..., Attempting to Build IKEA Furniture Without Instructions, Mark and Ethan Become United States Citizens, We Made Fanart for Each Other, Our Fans Try to Scare Us with Their Homemade Creepypasta, Recreating Childhood Photos, Will We Break the Boards... Or Will They Break Us?, Finding the Most Cursed Image on the Internet, Learning to Cry on Command to Increase Our YouTube Views, Pee Sauna, Building IKEA's Hardest Piece of Furniture Without Instructions is Impossible, Becoming One With the Horse, The Ultimate Paper Airplane Showdown, Creating Mark FISHbach, Learning How to Lock Pick (FBI Please Don't Watch), The Most Dangerous Shave, Ethan Traps Mark's Soul in the Palm of his Hand, Bear Trapping 101: An Elegant Knot For An Elegant Beast, 2 Men In a Trench Coat Teach You How to Save Money at the Movies, Building the World's First IKEA Boat, Ethan Teaches Mark How to Swim, 10 Miracle Products to Give YOU the Thiccest Jaw on Planet Earth, 2 Dirty Boys Wash Their Filthy Mouths Out With Soap, Mark is Guilty. Ethan Has the Proof., Recreating Mark's Childhood, We Put an Apple Watch in a Rock Tumbler, Dummy THICC for Dummies - A Tale of 2 Butts - Pushing Our Butts Even Further Beyond, Reverse Engineering a Kite to Steal the Idea of Electricity From Benjamin Franklin, The Candy Bra Challenge, Mark and Ethan Look at a Puppy for 10 Minutes, Unus Annus Try Pole Dancing, This Is Hiding On Your Body RIGHT NOW., Tasting Weird Food Combos: Pickles and Chocolate? Ice Cream and Soy Sauce?, The Unus Annus Space Program, The Egg Smashing Game, Can You Bake a Cookie from Cookie Dough Ice Cream?, Bleachus Annus, Dunking Oreos In Literally Anything But Milk, Preparing a 5-Star Meal for Our Youtube Famous Dogs, DIY Teeth, How to Escape from a Hostage Situation, Does This Magnetic Skincare Routine Really Work?, Diy Bed of Nails : Oh God, Please Don't Ever Try This, The Human Mop, Can Sound Therapy Heal All Wounds?, This Is The Most Dangerous Children's Toy Ever Made, Would Chica Save Us From Drowning?, We Do It Better Than Icarus Ever Could, The Beginning of The End, The Annual Unus Annus Dunk Contest, Ultimate Horseshoes, A Serious Conversation Under the Stars, Recharging Our Phones Using Only Brute Strength, 5 Products to Grow Your Patchy Beard, Mark Teaches Ethan How to Play the Trumpet, Playing Cards: The World's Deadliest Weapon, We Lubed Our Floor for a Sliding Competition, Breaking Glass With Our Screams, This Is Goodbye, Mark and Ethan Share a Drink, The Wubble, Mark and Ethan Shave Chica, DO NOT TRY THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, Judging Your Terrible Unus Annus Ideas, Hydro Dipping A Baby, Popping Popcorn with a High-Powered Laser, Puberty Simulator, Grip Strength Test: Loser Becomes the Winner's Butler for a Day, Momiplier Teaches Self-Defense, Transforming Mark into the 8th Wonder of the World, Playing Children's Games in Total Darkness, We're Better Than Dogs, The Koala Challenge: TikTok's Intimate Couple's Trend, 1 Gallon of Jello Nearly Broke Us, Too Many Pickles, Pitching a Tent in the Woods But There's a Bear 15 Feet Away, How to Rescue a Cat from a Tree, A Bear Attacked Us in the Middle of the Night, How to Safely Bury Your Friend, Team Building for 2: Trust Fall, Tug-of-War, and More!, How to Start a Fire (except don't...), Mark's Outdoor Escape Room, Hunting HeeHoo, Was 2020 a Bad Year for Unus Annus?, Mark Gives Ethan a HOT (stone) Massage, We Smell Every Smell, How Many Slaps Does It Take to Cook a Chicken?, 2 Boys 2 Poops, Mark Teaches Ethan How to March in a Marching Band, We Finally Drank Our DIY Wine, 2 Adults Take a 4th Grade Math Test, Making Snow Cones With Literally Anything But Normal Flavors, We Attempt Pottery Without Amy's Help, Can Plants Feel Pain?, How Far Can We Chuck a 16lbs Rock?, We Pierced Each Other's Ears, We Ate Dog Treats So You Don't Have To, We Accidentally Made an SCP While Amy Was Away, BEYBLADE NUTBALL, Making the Ultimate Unus Annus Burger, Making Soda With Literally Anything But Soda, Pee Soda, Learning to Use The Force, Brick Soccer, We Attempt to Make Holy Water, Amy Sent Us a Mystery Box, Mark Knows What Ethan Did..., This Video Will Never Make Sense, We Attempt to Make UNHOLY Water, We Will Churn Thy Butter, Ethan Teaches Mark Gymnastics, The Great Ice Cream Cake Race, Mark Teaches Ethan to Wrestle, Ethan Watches as Mark Achieves the Impossible, Consuming the World's Hottest Chip, This Video Went Completely Out of Control, The 1000 High Five Challenge, Bobbing For Apples But the Water Keeps Getting Thiccer, Mark Breaks His Nose On An Aerial Hoop, Mark and Ethan Milk a Goat, Shooting Archery ON A HORSE, DIY Minesweeper, Literally Finding a Needle in a Haystack, Drawing on Each Other's Backs in Total Darkness, This is For FUN and NOT a Fetish, Mark Conquers His Fear of Night Swimming, The Painful World of Aerial Silks, We Bought Every Grinch Costume on Ebay, Pumpkin Taste Tier List, Learn to Jump Higher in 16 Minutes and 16 Seconds, Bobbing For Literally Anything But Apples, This Video is Completely Unedited, Momiplier Tells Us True Scary Stories from Korea, Pumpkin Spice "Challenge", Mark and Ethan Build a Scarecrow, Pressure Washing Our Sins Away, We Force Mark to Swim in the Ocean: His Greatest Fear, Fighting Fish to the Death in the Deep Blue Sea, Cryptid Olympics, Phasmophobia in Real Life, Edward Pumpkin Hands, Blood Bath, The Unus Annus Annual Costume Contest, Ethan Turns Mark into a Werewolf, Ethan Kidnapped Mark, The Truth of Unus Annus, Accepting the Truth, The Unus Annus Last Supper, Being Brutally Honest with Each Other, Recreating Every Single Unus Annus Video, All Our Video Ideas That Never Happened, Who's Cutting Onions In Here???, The 1st Annual Unus Annus Roast, God's Fitness Test, Saying Goodbye to All Our Guests, Everything's Legal If You're Dead, 7 Minutes in Heaven 7 Minutes in Hell, The Unus Annus Annual Sleepover, Goodbye.

Nisio Isin Chronicle : Interview Between Hirohiko Araki and Nisio Isin

Source : JoJo Wiki)

Nisio Isin Chronicle (01/2006)

Nisio Isin: Author of Monogatari Series, Katanagatari, etc.
Hirohiko Araki: Author of Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures.
Interviewer: MYST
Points in common between Araki’s and Nisio’s works
Interviewer: So apparently, Araki-sensei made his debut in the same year that Nisio-san was born.
Nisio: I was born in 1981.
Araki: I made my debut in the 1981 New Year’s issue [of Weekly Shounen Jump].
Nisio: It feels like fate…if you can call it that, haha.
Araki: That’s amazing. At 24, you’ve already written so much in 4 or 5 years.
Nisio: I’m not sure how long I can keep writing, but for now I’ll keep writing as much as I can. I’m on my 15th book now.
Interviewer: Araki-sensei, did everything go smoothly after you debuted?
Araki: Not at all, it feels like I only started polishing my skills after I debuted. They let me debut before I had any style or originality as a manga artist. I had to learn a lot then, and it wasn’t until Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures that I really got started.
Nisio: I also loved your manga before Jojo, like Mahou Shounen Biitii, Gorgeous Irene, and Baoo Raihousha. Your manga all feel like my roots, there’s so much I’ve learned from them.
Araki: Oh yes, your novels do seem to have some points in common. I’ve started reading from Kubikiri Cycle [first book of Zaregoto Series] and haven’t read your latest books, but your characters all seem modern. It might also because a lot of them are geniuses, but they all think they’re superior and don’t respect others. It was interesting how the main character tries to confront those geniuses despite feeling inferior.
Their dialogue sounds like advertising slogans. I like that. Like those lines at the beginning of each chapter. The main character keeps banging out lines like that. That was very fresh and interesting.
Nisio: Thank you. My hands are trembling. I’m so happy that you’ve read my books.
I think Jojo is a wonderful manga, and I wish I could have all of humanity read it. It’s so good that it makes me want to recommend it to other people…somehow it feels like I have to go out of my way to say how much I like it.
Making characters seem powerful using powerful lines
Nisio: Earlier you said that I write lines like advertising slogans, but I think that’s partly because of your influence. It’s more than a verbal tic, it’s a single line that encapsulates a character. A line that only that character could say…
Araki: I try to include a character’s personal philosophy in what they say. Their unique way of thinking.
Nisio: That might why you’re different. Even in another story, no one else could say those lines. Even if somebody else used your lines, they wouldn’t become famous quotes. “Road roller!” only leaves an impact because it’s Dio who says it.
Araki: You have some great ones, too. “There’s always someone better, but at the top they’re all below you.” and a lot of others. Those are really good. They make you think. I think everyone likes those. They make you stop and think ‘that’s true’.
Interviewer: They’re cool and hook you in, and they’re convincing.
Araki: Lines like that make characters seem more powerful. It makes you wonder what would happen if that character was the culprit. It’s hard to stop reading.
Nisio: Jojo had a big influence on that. The enemy characters in Jojo all have depth.
Araki: Yes, I was going for that.
Nisio: There are no throwaway characters. Especially after Stands come into the story, there are Stands that seems weak but can be strong depending on how they’re used. Like (Stand: Bad Company. Only 10 cm tall, but 500 in number!) might just be the strongest.
Araki: That’s right, haha. Well for manga in the eighties, the enemies always keep getting stronger and stronger. But there has to be a limit somewhere, and it gets tremendously exhausting.
Nisio: Like when they go ‘the one you just defeated was the weakest of us.’
Araki: To break through that, I tried to have characters that are strong from an alternate point of view, or who are only strong in a single aspect.
Nisio: So like ‘There’s no such thing as strong or weak.’
Araki: It’s so exhausting to write manga where the enemies keep getting stronger and stronger. It’s like, “they’re already this strong, and they’re still getting stronger!?” and every week you worry about what you’re going to do. And then you get to the height of the bubble and it’s like, what now? It’s a very scary writing method. It’s fine if you do it once. When the strongest enemy gets introduced, you’ll get so popular that the publisher tells you not to stop. But as a writer, you can’t go any further.
Nisio: I wonder who started this inflation of power. It must have been a really crazy idea at first… Whoever it was, using this technique is like reaching a dead end or slash-and-burn farming. I think Jojo was a revolution in that area.
Araki: It was more like an escape route than a revolution, haha. But I think that’s how people work.
It’s like how someone with a strong punch isn’t necessarily strong.
Nisio: Someone you could beat depending on your strategy, I guess.
Interviewer: If you’re fighting Bush and he has nuclear missiles, you still might beat him with a bat. For example, Hara Tetsuo wrote Fist of the North Star so that whoever says the most powerful lines wins.
Nisio: That makes sense.
Araki: That seems like something you’d be familiar with.
Nisio: Novels are only words, after all. The main thing is dialogue. So characters that say powerful lines do become stronger.
Araki: I’ve also noticed something unique about your characters. They’re mentally strong somehow. They’re complete geniuses, but also lacking things or searching for things. That’s something refreshing, and it makes the story’s world interesting.
Nisio: Thank you. I have no words. Speaking of characters, I like Part 4 of Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures because it has so many unique characters. I like Tonio the most, but it’s such an all-star cast.
Araki: Thank you. I hear that the writer Otsuichi-san [mystery/horror writer] also likes Part 4 the most. I wonder if it’s a generational thing.
The appeal of Jojo and its impact on Nisio Isin as a grade schooler
Nisio: When I read your manga for the first time, it was when Ebony Devil, that doll from Part 3, slices off a hotel worker’s face with a razor. I remember it being really scary.
Araki: That must have been tough to read as a kid.
Nisio: Of course, I didn’t understand what Stands were, and that made it even scarier. I was creeped out by this weird armored warrior but thought Joutarou was really cool. I didn’t understand the logic or style of it so it was completely mysterious, but I could tell that it was in a different vein from the other manga being published at the time.
Even now, Jojo hasn’t fallen behind to imitators. Nowadays Shounen Jump has more manga with Stand-like abilities, but Jojo still sets itself apart. It’s not that it’s the original, but there’s something clearly different about it.
Why Nisio Isin became a writer
Araki: What made you decide to be a writer? How did you get started writing?
Nisio: To be honest, I originally wanted to be a manga artist. But I quickly realized that I couldn’t draw. No matter how I practiced, I wouldn’t get better. Then thought that since writing get printed, it doesn’t matter if my handwriting is bad or anything. So in a way, I’m writing the novelization of a manga that’s in my head.
Araki: So you might get your novels adapted into manga?
Nisio: That’s true. There are many scenes in my head that I have an image of. Like someone standing in front of the sound effect “ゴゴゴゴゴ.” I think Kadono Kouhei-sensei said something similar. [author, mainly known for Boogiepop series]
Araki: So you start with an image and replace it with words. The desire to write feels like something that comes welling out, but I wonder how that works.
Nisio: When you read something good, it makes you want to try it. Of course, reading your manga gives me motivation. It’s something like that.
Araki: Like ‘I could make something a little better’.
Nisio: When you see something wonderful, you can’t help but want to try doing it.
Araki: That’s true. Drawing is like that for me, like when I see a drawing that makes me wonder how it was drawn. It’s like a riddle I want to solve.
For example, there are manga artists who can draw lines in unbelievable directions. Normally you go from up to down or right to left, but they’re clearly doing it differently. Like Hara Tetsuo. I don’t know how he draws those lines, if he does them upside down or what.
For painting too, I wonder how someone made a color and things like that. It fires me up somehow.
Interviewer: Did you solve Hara’s riddle?
Araki:Not quite. I tried to draw beautiful smooth lines like him, but it wasn’t the same.
Nisio: I’ve thought something similar when reading your manga. When I read Janken Kozou for example, I was surprised at how you could portray Rock Paper Scissors. I thought that I couldn’t casually play Rock Paper Scissors anymore. To me, you’re not just a manga artist, you’re an artist.
Araki: I can’t really see that, haha. I’ve always felt lacking as a person somehow, and I want to become a full person. I’m not sure exactly what a full person is, but I’ve always wanted to become one since I was young.
Interviewer: Nisio-san, when you finished your Zaregoto Series after 9 volumes, you’ve said that “after finishing this piece of work, I’m not a rookie anymore.” Araki-sensei, with which manga did you feel like you’ve finished a job?
Araki: I don’t think there is one. My publisher keeps telling me I should write something new besides Jojo, but it feels weird to start something new before finishing Jojo. So I might keep writing it.
Nisio: For your entire life?
Araki: I don’t know.
Nisio: As long as there are Jojo stories, at least.
Araki: That’s true. But I’m writing about human relationships, so it never ends. Until humanity dies out.
Interviewer: How about when you stopped feeling like a rookie?
Araki: That would have to be when new manga artists come out. Before I knew it, the only one who’s been in Jump longer was Akimoto Osamu [author of Kochikame, the longest-running series in Weekly Shonen Jump, running 1976-2016], and I thought, “Huh, there’s only Akimoto-sensei?”, so I definitely couldn’t think of myself as a rookie anymore.
Interviewer: That’s quite some time since you debuted. [8 years?]
Araki: Yeah. I was trying to write with a youthful feeling. But then at like parties, when I looked around everyone was younger than me, and I went “Wha-?”. They would say “we can’t get started until you drink”, and I thought “Oh, this is bad”. Nisio-san, a time like that will come for you, too. It’s a lonely feeling. It really is nice to have some elders around.
Defeating enemies without inflating power levels
Nisio: Before, I said that Part 4 was my favorite, but sometimes it’s Part 1 or Part 2…
Interviewer: You like all of them, haha.
Nisio: I like how the enemies were defeated in Part 1 and Part 2, before Stands were introduced. They were mental, tactical battles, and it might just be because I like mystery books, but I love those kind of strategical tricks. Even after Stands came into the story, the mental battles were the most captivating.
Araki: Ah, yes. In shounen manga, there’s this pattern of beating enemies using willpower. I couldn’t accept it. I thought, “Are you really going to use willpower here?”. There is that amazing strength people that have during fires. That makes sense, but I still couldn’t accept it. Like, “If you’re going to do it with willpower, show it in your attitude.” I wanted some kind of logic behind it.
A long time ago, Shirato Sanpei-sensei used to write ninja manga (such as Sasuke, Ninja Bugeichou, and Kamui Gaiden), and they don’t defeat enemies with ninjutsu or magic in those. They used these kind of tricks, things with logic behind them. Like digging a hole in the ground and setting off gunpowder. It made me go “wow”. That influenced me.
Nisio: Like this thing you have to explain.
Araki: It won’t seem interesting unless there’s some kind of reason.
Nisio: In Part 2, did you just come up with the idea for the battle with Wamuu to be on chariots?
Araki: No, I think I was inspired. In shounen manga, I like when the battles are one-on-one in some kind of arena. This arena could be a narrow clifftop, or one where you lose if you leave the arena, and it’s fun to make a lot of rules. I think that’s where the idea for that chariot battle came from. Having some restrictions, so it’s not everything goes.
Nisio: In Jojo, the fights are one-on-one, or at most two-on-two, aren’t they?
Araki: That’s true. If there’s too many people, it’ll become like one of those old war manga. That seems tiring to just to write, so two-on-two is the most for me.
Backgrounds in manga vs. having to describe in novels
Interviewer: As a writer, is there anything you’re jealous about Araki-sensei for?
Nisio: I’m very jealous that unlike novels, you can draw backgrounds in manga. It’s hard to portray backgrounds in novels.
Araki: But even if you don’t write anything, the reader can imagine something.
Nisio: Drawings have incredible persuasive power. There are things that you can draw, but when you write about it, it turns into an explanation.
And then, you go “oh, I wrote an explanation” and feel intense regret… It won’t be a slogan anymore. I have this obsession that once I write an explanation, it’s all over, and it’s hard to deal with. So when I have insert illustrations in my books, it makes me feel that I can’t match the strengths of visual information.
Araki: I once read a story about a beautiful picture. There wasn’t any description about the picture. But the readers can imagine something. If you wrote a manga with that story, you would have to draw the picture. Even if it was Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, it would just be a copy. It’s something that gets ruined if you draw it. But if you don’t describe the picture like that story did, if you just say it’s amazing, then the reader will believe it.
Nisio: Purposefully not writing something.
Araki: I think it’s better if you don’t write about it.
Nisio: I’ve used a technique of writing something that’s impossible to visualize a few times. I think that’s the only way to explain something that isn’t there… You can write about things that you can’t even draw.
Oh yeah, I’ve used that technique in Shin Honkaku Mahou Shoujo Risuka, which is illustrated by Nishimura Kinu-sensei. I wrote about a ‘jacket like a safety pin.’ It was supposed to be clothing from a fantasy world, and then Nishimura-sensei ended up drawing it. I thought ‘oh, it got drawn.’
Araki: That’s impressive. I’ve also drawn a few insert illustrations. There was a character who has an arm injury throughout the book. So I drew an injured arm, but then at the end it said that the injury was on the left arm, and I had drawn it on the right arm. I thought, “do I have to redo the whole thing?”
You really have to read carefully. Insert illustrations are hard to draw, too. That’s why it’s impressive. Figuring out what a jacket that’s looks like a safety pin is like…
Nisio: When I know that there will be insert illustrations, I try to make it easier for my illustrators to draw them.
Araki: The illustrations for Zaregoto Series have an atmosphere to them too.
Nisio: Take-san is the one drawing them. I remember at first, when I was talking to my editor, I asked for them to be ‘Jojo-ish’, haha. That was supposed to be about the level of realism or reality in the illustrations…and then they came out like this.
Araki: It’s nice to see that the Jojo-ish part came through. When you line up the 9 volumes like this, you can really see an improvement in skill. I like these pop-style backgrounds, too.
Which writer is the biggest Jojo fan?
Araki: Nisio-san, which authors do you like?
Nisio: I’d have to say Kadano Kouhei-sensei. He’s famous for being a Jojo fan. He’s the biggest Jojo fan among writers.
Nisio’s editor: Just a while ago, when I told him that you were going to see Araki-sensei, he went silent for a few seconds and coldly said, “Oh, is that it so”, haha.
Nisio: A long time ago, when I read an interview between you and Otsuichi-sensei in Yomu Jump [magazine associated with Weekly Shounen Jump], I was so jealous that he got to meet you.
Araki: Otsuichi-san was writing for Shueisha [company publishing Jump], after all.
Interviewer: Nisio-san, if you were going to write a novelization of Jojo, what would it be like?
Nisio: I would write about Part 2, or maybe Part 1. Where the enemies are vampires and perfect lifeforms.
Araki: Not violence.
Nisio: I would choose not to use Stands. That way there wouldn’t be anything in common with Otsuichi-sensei is doing. [Otsuichi’s Jojo novelization is set in Part 4]
Araki: You don’t want to do the same thing as him?
Nisio: I really don’t to do the same thing as anyone else. If I did, it would turn into a contest with Otsuichi-sensei. What if I lose? If winning makes you the bigger Jojo fan that’d be terrible.
Interviewer: You can’t stand losing, not as an author, but as a fan?
Nisio: They might say “you call yourself a Jojo fan, but that’s all you can write?” or “you don’t love Jojo enough”, and make fun of me, haha. So if that happens I’ll say “Oh, my favorite part is Part 1” to get away.
Interviewer: For Part 1 and 2, there’s the issue of viewpoint. Whose perspective would you write from?
Nisio: Part 4 is Kouichi-kun. For Part 1, it’s Speedwagon. Part 2 was…did he have a name? That pickpocket boy at the beginning…ah, I can’t remember. This is bad.
Araki: He was there, haha.
Nisio: Otsuichi-sensei and Kadano-sensei are laughing right now, haha.
Interviewer: When did you understand how Stands worked?
Nisio: I somehow figured it out as I was reading. Like how when Stands get injured, their users also get injured. There was an explanation of what Stands were at the beginning of one of the volumes, and it all made sense after that. That was really helpful.
Araki: It’s a good thing I wrote that, haha. Most people said they didn’t understand Stands.
Nisio: I liked the battles with the D’arby brothers. That’s how I learned how to play poker. I was in elementary school and didn’t know the rules of poker, so I didn’t know what kind of battle that was, haha. So I went to a bookstore and browsed through a poker rulebook.
Araki: Oh really? When I was writing that I assumed everybody knew how to play poker. It seemed like everybody at least knows poker.
Nisio:I was in elementary school, after all. After that I really wanted to play poker, haha. I wanted to say things like, “I bet all six chips.”
Interviewer: You’ve learned a lot from Jojo.
Nisio: That’s absolutely true. I want to keep learning more and more.
Araki: Thank you. I can tell how strong your feelings are

[Table] I am Dave Plummer, author of Windows Task Manager, Zip Folders, and worked on Space Cadet Pinball, Media Center, Windows Shell, MS-DOS, OLE32, WPA, and more. (pt 1/2)

Source
Note: Based on observing question-taker's profile, he is still taking answers, so two parts may or may not completely summarize the AMA.

Questions	Answers
Space Cadet Pinball, how does it feel to be the most played "bring your child to work day" game? I remember it fondly.	The best part is that I used to "teach" computer lab when my kids were in K through 6th grades, back when Pinball was still included and well known. The kids could care less about anything technically hard or interesting that I'd worked on, of course, but Pinball gave me instant street cred with them.
	Especially cool was being able to walk over and enter a secret code that only I knew that would turn on all the cheats, like infinite lives. They thought I was a wizard at that age!
	The code, by the way, is "hidden test" without the quotes! Then various keys do different things, you can click and drag the ball around, and so on. Google it for the gory details!
	I always like to point out that I was working with a full set of original IP from Maxis, so I had nothing to do with the design of the game, or it's art, etc... that was all done! My contribution was volunteering to port it, including a partial rewrite from asm to C, to work on MIPS, Alpha, PowerPC, IA64, ARM, and so on, which was actually a lot of work. But I got it into the Windows box, which is how and why everyone knows it today. But all credit for the gameplay and so on goes to Maxis, all I did was not screw it up in that case!
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To add a bit of detail re Space Cadet Pinball: we built Space Cadet originally at my company Cinematronics and did a deal with Microsoft to ship it with the Plus Pack that accompanied Win 95 and Win 98. While it technically didn't ship w/ Windows, the Plus Pack had something like a 25% attach rate and pinball wound up on most systems anyway. Microsoft actually had an option in our original contract from 1994 to ship it with the OS itself or the Plus Pack. Maxis was our publisher for the subsequent retail version, and later bought my company. More germane to this thread: I believe Dave's port entered the picture a few years later, after Win 98, and was likely critical to pinball continuing to ship on later iterations of the Windows OS (i.e. 32-bit). I definitely appreciate the time he put in to give the game extra years of life on the Windows platform. Kevin Gliner, game designer and producer for 3D Pinball, and co-founder of Cinematronics.	Pleased to FINALLY put a name to the game design! You should update the Wikipedia article for the game, as I think it lists Matt Ridgway, who might have been sound? I've been crediting Maxis for years, not knowing the role of Cinematronics who was who. One thing that confused me: wasn't there a company that did video games in the 80s called Cinematronics? Any relation? Star Castle, Armor Attack, etc...
	As for timing, this likely between the Win95 and Win98 Plus! packs. It was very early on at least, and shipped at least in NT4, and perhaps earlier in "SUR" release that ran atop NT 3.51, but I don't have access to any source files to check dates!
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I keep meaning to fix that wikipedia article, there's a significant number of people that worked on the game and for some reason only Matt (an independent sound guy who did some excellent part-time contract work for us) is listed. There's also a lot of confusion about the timing of various releases and the companies involved, and who owns it now (EA). I actually have all the original source, although no rights to any of it anymore. Hard to say on the timing of the port. I was working in Redmond in '99 when I got word someone had done an NT4 and Win2000 port (I'm assuming that was you), so that was the first time the port showed up on my radar. I have a more confident memory (and contracts, email, etc) of all the events related to how pinball came about and the first couple years after it was released. I like to think pinball was the very first Win95 game (it was fun to watch Gates and Leno pretend to play it on stage at the Win95 launch event), but of course there were other games that shipped with the launch too. You're correct, there was an 80s arcade game company called Cinematronics that went out of business long before we started in 1994, and someone had let the trademark lapse. How we came to be called Cinematronics is a long story for another time...	NT shipped in 96, so the version I did for it would have been done in 95. I remember working on it about the time Win9X was shipping or in late beta. I could be wrong on that part, but Nov 95 would be my guess.
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Damn dude, porting assembly? You are a legend!	Thanks - we actually did all of our debugging in assembler. We didn't have any source-level or line-level debugging at all (except as noted below). So you'd connect to a machine through an ssh-like tool and then, if the symbols were right, you could get a callstack and inspect memory, disassemble functions, and so on. But since we spent much of our day staring at assembly, I became reasonably adept at it.
	I say "reasonably" as I was lazy enough that I would compile the components of interest to me with Visual Studio PDB symbols so that, if I could repro on my own machine, I could then source-level debug it. That made me fast at some stuff that others were slow at, but I likely never got as proficient at asm debugging as someone who never had an alternative. I had a developer friend named Bob whom was an ntsd (our debugger) superstar, and he'd write expressions inside of breakpoints to fire conditionally, that kind of thing. So I did learn that trick, but I'm sure there were dozens I just never knew.
	That all said, we rarely if ever coded in assembly. All coding was in C/C++.
	In the Pinball case, parts of the original were written in hand-coded in asm by Maxis, like the sound engine, and wouldn't have had a hope of working on anything but an x86. Rather than be lame and not have sound on the RISC platforms, I opted to rewrite that stuff in C so that it was portable.
	The RISC platforms also bring their own set of problems like 32-bit alignment for data. And being on Windows NT (now just "Windows") meant being Unicode, but fortunately there isn't a TON of text in a pinball game!
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boytekka: damn, the only time that I did assembly language is when we tried moving a small machine through the printer port.. I miss those days LordApocalyptica: Only time I did assembly was when I wanted to make a game on my TI-84, and decided that I didn't want to. I miss those days too.	First game I wrote in assembly I did in a machine language monitor on my C64. You can't (easily) relocate 6502 so to add code you'd have to jump out, do stuff, and jump back... Crazy!
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If I can ask a question, how does it feels to go from coding with basically zero help to working with modern IDE and code editors that give you a lot of infos, tips, error notifications and so on? I've started programming like a year ago from zero, and I don't think I could be able to program like y'all did 20 years ago or more. Thanks for doing this AMA anyways!	You're very welcome! The progression in tools has been amazing, really. I remember HESMON and my first machine language monitors for the PET and C64, then really nice ROM dev environments, and CygnusEd for the Amiga... all the way up to PlatformIO and Visual Studio Code.
	My most recent "WOW" moment was adding a line to my lib_deps line in platformio, which magically included the library being developed at the URL on github. So you can link to online projects... cool.
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Just wanted to say thanks for the Alpha port!	Alpha AXP was by far the hardest to debug! "Branch later, maybe"
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I just want to thank you for my first experience with pinball. I am now a top 100 competitive pinball player and own 16 pinball machines.	That's cool, which do you collect primarily? I was always a fan of Williams, and am FB friends with a couple of their older devs like Steve Ritchie, Larry DeMar, and Eugene Jarvis (but I should be careful, Bill Gates warned me never to name drop :-) )
	I have a Black Knight 2000 as my own machine right now!
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I have a wide range. Some modern Sterns like Metallica, Jurassic Park, Tron and Iron Maiden. Older Bally’s like Frontier and Fathom. 2 classic Bally/Williams Dr Who and Attack From Mars. Plus a few EMs. I like them all! Attack From Mars was the game that got me into the physical world of pinball. Collecting has been more of a recent pandemic thing since I can’t go out and play. I miss traveling around the country playing in big tournaments. Oh yeah and Steve Ritchie is quite the character. You must meet him some day. I’ve met him a few times and each time has earned a place in my pinball stories I talk about with friends.	Congrats on the collection, that's a nice set! I've never met Steve - I did meet Larry DeMar in vegas. I was playing at a slot machine and he was next to me, and had a name tag, and I was like... "Excuse me sir, but does the word Robotron mean anything?" and it turned out to be him!
Asking as someone pretty new in software development, did you experience impostor syndrome? If so, how did you deal with it?	My first couple of years were very productive, so I wasn't insecure about my output, but even so I definitely experienced imposter syndrome. I think most people who achieve aspirational roles do... I have a friend who was in the NFL who describes the same feeling.
	Being as productive as your peers is sort of the pre-requisite, and if that's true, then remind yourself that when you were in fifth grade, the eighth graders on the playground seemed so old and mature! It's odd in that I started in 1993, but to me anyone who started in the 80s was a "true" Old Timer and remains so in my head to this day. And similarly I'm no doubt the grizzled veteran to people I hired a few years later.
	I know when I started I felt like the dumbest guy in the room, and by the end I felt like the smartest guy in the room, and I don't think I'd gotten any smarter along the way. So it's all relative and perception. Well, that and the stock caused some serious attrition of the "really smart"!
	I remember visiting Google a couple of years ago in the bathrooms they had posters that read "YOU ARE NOT AN IMPOSTER", and info about seminars and so on about it, so it's very common! I wish I had a concrete strategy for you, but I don't other than "It's commonplace, and I bet there are a ton of resources on the Web. Don't be surprised you're experiencing it!"
What would you encourage someone to start learning today related to your field?	I'm learning React at the moment. Let's face it, the web development experience is utter nonsense. So I kept hoping for something that would make it clean, and easy to make components, and to work with REST apis. So I went looking for a solution. Then I read about Angular, and it seemed like "too much" to learn for the sake of making a SPA.
	But React seems understandable enough and solves a ton of problems with web development, not the least of which is being able to intermingle HTML and Javascript (via JSX).
	As for languages, I'd probably start with Python. I prototyped a complicated LED system a couple of years ago and it was admirable what it could accomplish for an interpreted language. And you probably have to know modern Javascript as well.
Now, would you be rather interested in working for windows, macos or linux ?	I work in all three. For my own projects I write to the ASP.NET Core 3.1, and that's available on Windows, Mac, and Linux. I originally wrote my LED server to it under MacOS, then moved it to Windows with about 5 minutes of changes (related to the consoles being somewhat different). Then I moved it to Linux, where I made it work and then containerized it with Docker. I got it up and running on my Raspberry Pi and in a Windows HyperV and under WSL using Ubuntu. To me that kind of stuff is super cool.
	Once I had it working in a Docker container I deployed it to my Synology NAS, which is some variant of Linux. So my NAS runs my Christmas lights!
	I love stuff like that when it works!
	My main workstation is a Dell monitor that has an internal KVM. I have a 2013 Mac Pro connected to it, which is maxed out and then has an eGPU and eRAID setup via Thunderbolt. And then I have a 3970X Windows PC connected as well, and I can jump back and forth with a button.
	I spend most of my day in Windows now, unless it's video related, in which case I use Final Cut Pro.
Hi Dave, thanks for the AmA! In regards to task manager - often times I have to click the 'end task' button more than once to get the frozen program to actually close. Why is this? Thanks again.	Remember that, at least in my day, End Task is different than End Process. The former sends a "Please close yourself" message to the app, and if it's hung, it should then detect it and so on, but doesn't always. Imagine the app is in a weird state where it's still pumping messages, it's not hung, but it's broken. End Task likely won't work.
	That's when you need End Process, which tears everything down for you. The substantive difference is that the program gets no choice in the matter and no notification. End Task can be graceful. End Process is brutal.
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What about when the task manager stops responding? We need a task manager manager to manage the task manager. Lol	I've never seen that happen, ever, unless the system itself or the window manager is bunged in some way. Your puny Task Manager cannot save you now.
	Then again, nothing can, save a reboot.
What cool new tech are you excited about?	Right now I'm actually trying to productize something of my own, a system for doing hidden, permanently-installed LED holiday lighting. It receives the effect entirely over WiFi, or it can fall back to built-in effects and so on. Quick demo from 4th of July here:
	https://youtu.be/7QNtj2hZtaQ
	I'm done the software on the ESP32 and on the desktop, and working on the phone app now. So the next step is to find someone to manufacture the actual addressable LED strip fixtures. They'd be like under-counter LED strips that snap together end to end, but weatherproof, and with WS2813 LEDs internally.
	In terms of stuff that I'm just benefitting from, the latest CPUs from AMD are amazing. I have the 32-core 3970X and the raw computing power is hard to comprehend. That you can buy a 32-core chip for $2K (or 64-core for $4K) amazes me! Now I need to learn AI or something to make use of all of that hardware...
After the rise of WinRAR, did you continue to use the trial or did you pay?	From: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
	Sent: Saturday, April 29, 2006 3:14 PM
	To: Dave
	Subject: Your BuyRAR.com Order #: 122229610 License Key

	Attachments: rarkey.rar
	My WinRAR order number, from about 15 years ago, is above. And my WinZip license is much older than that. As someone who (a) made their real living in shareware and (b) worked on Product Activation, I'm the kind of guy who always licenses everything! You'll notice in my PlatformIO/"Arduino" video I even walk people through how to contribute to show how easy it is. I love good, cheap software.
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Would you download a car?	My wife's Tesla downloads update all the time. I'm sure they're just as complex as the mechanical components of the car, so in a sense, we already do!
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But... why did you keep the email?	I have a folder on my OneDrive called Registrations where I keep copies of license keys and registrations. So it was handy. Looks like Telix is my oldest registration from 1989 or so.
Also what was Microsoft really like back in the 90s? As a user of MS-Dos 3.30 forward till now. I’m assuming there has just been a whole tide of changes. Was double space really as funny on the dev side as it was on the user side with the slowness and the pufferfish as a logo :)	I worked on Doublespace in that I wrote a thunking layer that could live in low memory and then moved the rest of the code into the HMA. I didn't work on the compression, but odds are the guy who did is reading along right now, I bet!
	I don't really know if it was faster or slower than its contemporaries like Stacker. I wrote one for the Amiga, though didn't get it quite finished before starting at MS, and it's an interesting and hard problem to do well. At least on the AmigaDOS it was, FAT would be a tad easier.
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I mean for its time it was great. But back then floppy disks and 10M RLL-MFM drives were more the norm. It was actually awesome to have it included IN the OS instead of having to buy stacker. I think this is why I get so much of a kick out of every phishing AD that says download this to double your RAM. It just takes me back.	RAM Doublers are a whole 'nother ball of wax. Raymond Chen, in his blog "The Old New Thing", covers them well. If I understand it correctly, in the most famous case the code to do the actual memory compression was disabled, so it literally did nothing, but did it with overhead.
	On the other hand, I note that current Windows, the HyperV, and even my Synology NAS offer "Memory Compression" now so perhaps there's a time and a place on modern cpus and systems.
I'm an Engineer and regularly use MS Office to produce reports and calculations. Subscript and Superscript are something I use all the time. For at least the last 15 years, in MS Word I can hit "Ctrl +" & "Ctrl Shift +" to make the highlighted text Subscript or Superscript. But MS Word sucks for calculations, so I use MS Excel. But MS Excel it's about 8 clicks to make something super or subscript, and the hotkey technology hasn't made it in. So my question is, why was MS Office 2003 the best version of office that was ever produced?	I retired in 2003. Coincidence? I'll leave that one up to the scholars.
If you could go back and change anything about Windows without consequences or worrying about backwards compatibility, what would it be?	Format! I wrote that and since I was used to using the Visual Studio Resource Editor for dialogs, but couldn't in this case, I just laid out a stack of buttons and labels, content in the knowledge that a Program Manager or Designer would come up with a proper design for it that I would then code up. But somehow, no one did, and no one has for 25 years! So it's a big tall stack of buttons like a prairie grain elevator.
Ever met Bill Gates or have an interesting personal experience with him or another higher up you can share?	Yes, even when I was a new college hire he had the 30 of us or so over for beer and a burger in his back yard. It was a nice touch and quite informal. Obviously, at some scale, it wasn't 30 people anymore and they couldn't continue it!
	Ever play the video game Star Castle? It was like that. Concentric circles of people standing around BillG each armed with what they hope is a question or comment so clever they'll stand out in some way!
If every software you need would be available for both systems. Would you use a Linux distribution or Windows 10?	Right now I'd use Windows 10 because, if the same client software is available, I'd do it on Windows simply because I have a new 3970X w/ 128G of RAM and triple RAID0 SSDs plus an Optane stick. All for about 1/10th the price of a Mac Pro. Since the hardware is so cheap and powerful, it's really hard to resist.
	Even if all the client software were magically available, or Parallels for Linux were a thing, I'd stick with Windows because I haven't seen a Linux UI that I really like. I know everyone has a favorite... if there's an actually good and attractive one that works out of the box, let me know what distro, and maybe link a screenshot!
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Give Mint 20 with Cinnamon a fair shot! I have struggled for years trying to like a Linux distro but never found one that felt and looked right which I think had been the reason Linux hasn't been adopted mainstream but Mint20 with Cinnamon is possibly it..if not its very very close.. Has awesome multi-desltop winodws feature and you can make it basically just like Win10.. Would love to know what you think of it! 20.1 BETA just dropped and has a super interesting feature called Web Apps that needs to be checked out asap! Heres a link to the 20 long term support version.. some people do not like the Minto Logos/Backgrounds out of the box..keep in mind there are a ton of nice ones included and many more you can get quickly if that's something you don't like..what is really neat is that you can make Mint20 look like any OS.. there are themes that make it exactly like MacOS I just have not personally tried those out yet. https://blog.linuxmint.com/?p=3928	Thanks, I'll check out Mint!
I am looking at my copy of Douglas Coupland's "microserfs". Although it's fiction, do you think it resembles the Microsoft Culture of the time?	Lord no, that book bugged me. On the one hand, they're a bunch of pretentious and precocious, annoying kids. I worked on a team (NT) where the tone was set by Dave Cutler and the guys he brought over from Digital, so it was rather different. On the other hand, it's such a big company that odds are those four main people DID exist somewhere in the company. Just not around me!
Why was (is) a monolithic registry preferred over distributing the settings in a number of files like Unix? Why did windows remain single-user focused for so long when Unix was multi-user since the 70s? In my understanding, if there is just one user, that user has to be admin which opened Windows up to security issues. (I don't even recall any sudo-like privilege escalation in pre-XP Windows.)	Windows NT was multiluser from birth. And there's nothing about the Windows architecture that requires users to be admin; the reality, I think, is that most apps started out in Win95 land and just didn't work if they were run as non-admin, so people ran as admin because the apps required it.
	We couldn't just break all those apps and say "Oh well, get better apps" so what you got was a convention of people running as admin. But again, there's no need to. Same as Unix.
	The one exception is that under Unix it's easy to sudo and so admin work briefly. I wish Windows had (or exposed) a simpler mechanism for letting me run as a non-admin credential and escalate when needed. I know UAC does the same thing, more or less, if used cautiously.
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Yeah NT did eventually get around to fixing it. My question was really about the earlier systems, because I think you said you worked on MS-DOS? Since there were existing systems with multi-user and privilege escalation even before the first Windows, somebody must have made a conscious decision to not include that functionality.	MS-DOS was only the second or third OS I can think of for a Microprocessor (CPM, SCP, then MS-DOS). What existed for mainframes and minis didn't matter much in the memory limits available on the desktop.
What was the inspiration for Space Cadet Pinball and what is your high score?	I don't know, I wasn't the designer, the inspiration part happened separate, I provided the perspiration part! I was actually pretty good at the game, since I was literally paid to play and test it... but I don't know the score, sorry! I do have the world high score on Tempest, though! But not Pinball :-)
1. What's something super useful within Task Manager you think even seasoned Windows users don't know they can do? 2. What do you think a future version of Task Manager should be able to do?	I think CTRL_SHIFT_ESC is a surprise to a lot of people!
	I think Task Manager needs Dark Mode, and a way to show who has locked what file or device so you can kill the offender when needed.
Why is it that I can still find dialogs in Windows 10 that were clearly built using 16 bit Visual Studio 97 version?	This should explain it. When you achieve perfection, you leave it alone:
	https://youtu.be/l75a8CvIHBQ
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Please for the love of God, use your Microsoft contacts to stop the snipping tool from going away. It's literally perfect but they keep trying to discontinue it.	One Compound Word: SnagIt. It's what you need to make your life complete.
	After my time, but I heard the new snipping and history that's being built in to replace it is pretty good. It better be if they kill snipping tool!
Thanks for task manager! I use it for so many things. How do you feel about newer versions of Windows de-emphasizing the control panel in favor of their new settings app?	I'm all for it if they made sure they had 100% coverage of all settings. It's sort of weird that in this day and age, with an R&D budget in the billions, we still have a mix of new control panel and old property pages. But I like the new stuff if it covered all cases!
Hello Dave! Why does Windows have such a rough time transferring a lot of small files? Is it a limitation of NTFS?	It's not Windows, it's all operating systems. Part of it is filesystem related:
	Imagine copying a file takes 200ms of overhead plus 10ms per MB. Coping 100M of large files will take 200ms + 1000ms = 1.2 seconds.
	Now imagine you have 100M of 1M files. Now you have 100*200ms + 1000ms = 20000ms or 20 seconds. 20 times as long for the same amount of data.
Did you ever get a chance to work in/on OS/2? I stuck with OS/2 until 2005/2006, before moving onto Linux, and would love to hear any opinions and stories you might have.	I didn't! I used OS/2 a bit but never had a chance to work on it. Many of the people I worked with did, though... but if OS/2 were Kevin Bacon, I'm one degree removed.
I had waited more than 20 years to ask this... What the fuck is Trumpet Winsock?	That's what you need to use TCP/IP on Windows before it was included in Windows. You're welcome.
What was the idea behind having "generic" activation keys starting in Windows XP that would activate any version, it was said they were for [educational purposes], did Microsoft provide them to 501c3/non-profit schools, or was there a different reasoning?	I'm not sure what you mean by "generic". I remember retail and oem, but what was a generic key?
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There was a set of keys that became public knowledge partway through XP life that appeared to activate unlimited machines as valid, though added a banner "For Educational Purposes Only". I remember trying it back in the day and always wondered what the intention was that was important enough the key activations were never blocked. [I did have multiple legal keys, but curiosity killed the cat and I had to swap one to the "educational" key to see for myself, lol]	I don't actually know! But I can surmise that if it was displaying a banner down in the bottom right corner of the screen, it knew it was not licensed and was likely limited or time-limited in some way. Unless you could actually ACTIVATE them with that key, which would surprise me.
How does OLE still work? I can't think of anything else that complex and old that still runs. We've got a legacy piece in our application that uses it and I can build against it using .net 4.0, in an Azure pipeline and deploy to windows 10 hosts and a piece of 90s technology still works perfectly. How and why?	It was complex, but pretty well written and very well tested. That's not to say there aren't a lot of bugs outside the common case codepaths, but I bet if Office used it, it's pretty solid, and will be forever.
Other than your personal phone number, did any Easter eggs make it to general availability?	There was one in the Win9X shell, but I think we removed it for Windows XP and later. So not that I'm aware of!
Have you ever wanted to make a "sequel" to Space Cadet?	There are actually two other tables available in the original Maxis game that should work, in theory, but I think Space Cadet was the best of the 3, so...
Were there ever any 3rd party edit/change to shell that made you think, "Why didn't we think of that?"	Not offhand, but "Stacks" on MacOS where it tries to rescue your mess by grouping things by filetype (Images, Docs, etc) is pretty clever. So that's something I wish we'd though of!
Have you worked at all with Bryce Cogswell and Mark Russinovich?? Also, what was your initial response to Process Explorer /the Sysinternals stuff??	No, but the SysInternal guys are geniuses of the highest order, so far as I'm concerned (and I say that based on their products, no knowing them). They know their stuff.
What are your best/oddest purchases you were able to justify as a work expense (for example, were you able to get MS to buy pinball machines as an R&D cost)?	I had DirecTv in my office! I was working on the Media Center prototype and we couldn't get cable on campus, so I got the dish installed on the roof, etc....
	I had a Tempest machine in my Office but at my own expense. I started right around the days of the "shrimp vs weenies" memo, so they were pretty cost conscious.
Is it true that you and Dave Cutler got into a knife fight over a hand of poker gone bad?	A broken bottle is not a knife.
Was DoubleSpace stolen from Stacker?	No. As I understand it, DoubleSpace was licensed from an Israeli developer. Then I heard that Stacker had somehow been awarded a patent on using a hash table in compression, which sounds pretty ludicrous if true. There was a trial, and even though it revolved around hash tables and math and compression engines, and no one on the jury had been to college, as I heard it. So the big guy lost. That's the story I heard, your mileage may vary. I'm not a spokesman, etc.
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MS-DOS 6.21, the most useless version. I remember writing an extra "2" on my 6.2 OEM disks when the update came out (no point wasting disks).	You say "useless", I say "canonical".
	I think I actually worked on 6.22, not sure. It was 6.2 something. In terms of usefulness, the features I added to it personally were:
	- Moving Doublespace to HMA to free up a lot of low mem, as noted
	- Giving Diskcopy ability to do it in a single pass with no swaps
	- I wrote a new version of Smartdrv that added CD-ROM support
	- I wrote a special version of Setup that worked via deltas and put everything on a single floppy (no point wasting disks).
	Mind you, I was just a summer intern when I did that, and it took me about 3 months.
What are your favorite DOS command-line tricks that still work in Windows 10?	doskey!
What actually happens if someone deletes Win32?	Human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria. Do not attempt.
Did Bill ever swing by your cubicle and tell you'd he'd take your assignment home and finish it in a weekend if you didn't hurry up?	Cubicle? It was the 90s at Microsoft! I had a corner office with a table, chairs, a Tempest machine, and a sofabed.
What is the best project you worked on or had friends work on that was canceled, that you would revive if you had the resources?	Windows Media Center, I'd say! And I wish they'd done a great AutoPC that the OEMs could have licensed and made common to most cars.
There has been a lot of hate on Windows / Microsoft from the Unix / Linux advocates. What are some narratives that you disagree / don't think are true?	I used to love the Amiga, so I know what it's like to feel a sense of advocacy for a platform that you feel is superior but overlooked in the marketplace.
	I think the most untrue narrative I've heard about them is that they all have neckbeards. I think it's only "most", not all.
How do you introduce yourself at parties?	"Does anyone here know how to update my Groove subscription on my Zune?"
What OS are you using now? What's your favorite OS of all time? What's the worst OS of all time? What's the worst Microsoft OS (if different)?	The best OS of all time was Windows NT 4.0 with the Shell Update Release.
	The worst OS of all time was the TRS-80 Model 1, Level 1 DOS that didn't have the keyboard debounce code in ROM yet so you couldn't even type on the thing.
[deleted]	No, I never put a true easter egg in anything. Especially in an operating system, I don't believe in them. You have to be able to trust the OS, and I think it goes against that.
How did you get started in this specific field?	I first wandered into a Radio Shack store in about 1979 when I was 11, where I saw my very first computer. It was not connected yet, as the staff had not figured out how to set it up yet. Being somewhat precocious, I asked if I might play with it if I could manage to set it up. On a lark they said, “Sure kid, have a shot”, and ten minutes or so later I had it up and running. This endeared me to the manager, Brian, enough that every Thursday night and Saturday morning I would ride my bike down to the store: I’d type in my crude BASIC programs and they were kind enough to indulge my incessant free tinkering on their expensive computer. So that's pretty much how I started!
Do you ever have moments where you’re like “they have it so easy nowadays” or do you think that because of the groundwork put in place 30 years ago that systems have become exponentially more complex?	Only when someone spools up an entire docker instance to pipe something to it on the command line... then it's like "Really? You're basically booting a virtual computer as a command?"
What's the best C++ expert tip you can share for fellow programmers?	If you make anything in your class virtual, make the destructor virtual, particularly if there's any chance that anyone might delete an instance of your derived class through a base class pointer. Otherwise, the behavior is undefined, I think, but even if it works, it's not what you want!
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Wow this is eerie. I literally fixed a bug a couple weeks ago that was this specific case.	They can be weird bugs to track down, too!
Tabs or spaces?	Spaces on an indent of 4, tabs set to 8.
How can I open an MS Binder file?	Push down on the metal tabs at the top and bottom of the central spine of the binder. That will release the 3-hole punch claws, and then you can remove your printed file.
"It's now safe to turn off your computer" Why was this splash removed?	I think most current BIOSes can do it on their own by now!
Do you have any insight as to why MS decided to build Windows 95 from the ground up instead of building off of an existing *nix system the way Apple did with OSX? Was it just for backwards compatibility or were there other reasons? Also, had you gone this way, how do you think Windows, and the industry in general, might be different? I'm asking as someone who thinks that WSL is the best thing to happen to Windows in years.	Windows 95 was not built from the ground up, but NT was. The most succinct reason (and just a guess, I'm not a spokesman) is that even though MS had Xenix on hand, there were fundamental problems in the way Unix handled SMP multiprocessor locks and so on at the time. I presume these have long since been solved in Linux, etc, but not without significant work.
	WSL is one of my favorite things too, but for the library of tools and software, it makes available to me, not because of some fundamental architectural superiority, I don't think!
What are your feelings about "Microsoft Bob"?	https://youtu.be/rXHu9OmLd8Y
What did source control look like in the 90's? How did MS keep its code from leaking out to the public? How did you handle versioning and different developers working on the same feature?	We used a tool called SLM, or Source Library Manager. It was sort of available briefly as a product under the name Microsoft Delta.
	It was OK for smaller teams but did not support branching, so just before I left we moved to Source Depot.
Why was Ctrl + Alt + Delete changed to Ctrl + Shift + Escape?	It wasn't! Ctrl-Alt-Delete raises the "Secure Alert Sequence" which triggers the OS to switch to the secure desktop, where you have the ability to click a button which will start task manager upon return to your regular desktop.
	Ctrl-Shift-Esc is a feature built into Winlogon that launches a TaskManager on the current desktop without switching to the secure desktop.
	There are theoretically hacks and exploits that can only be caught by switching to the secure desktop, so if you're ever in doubt, ctrl-alt-del is the more secure way to go.
How did DOS ever get away with just pulling device names like "COM1" out of thin air when it came to output redirection etc..?	That's for compatibility with MS-DOS.
What are you currently working on?	Mostly on LED and Microcontroller projects that I detail on my YouTube channel, and the channel itself takes a fair bit of my time! If you're curious, you can check out my current successes and failure adventures at http://youtube.com/d/davesgarage
Did you work with Kris Hatleid on Super Hacker and the game Evolution?	I worked with Kris on an unreleased title called "Commander Video". That's largely where I learned assembly language, since he did the bulk of the coding, I watched and did level design, etc. 1982 or so I believe!
Got any dev back door mainframe access codes for pinball?	hidden test
Dave, how did you manage to do all that without being able to google everything?	That's one of the craziest things... I got a degree in computer science before you could even look anything up!
	The hardest part was OLE2. Coming form a different platform (the Amiga) it was a monster to wrap my head around, and the book (Inside OLE2) was not the best for introducing devs to OLE. It scared me, and I sure could have used a YouTube tutorial or two!
Hi Dave! So here's a bit of an odd one. I loved your Space Cadet Pinball! I must have spent countless hours on it as a kid, and even now I still occasionally try to find ways to boot it up. A legitimate classic. But lately, the version windows offers just... don't feel the same. They aren't as nice. Is there a game you can name that you would say feels like a worthy successor to Space Cadet Pinball? Or even any more general pinball games you would recommend?	I have a real Black Knight 2000 machine here in the house that I fully restored, so I'm a fan of physcial pinball as well!
	I think the two best video games are (a) arcade Tempest, and (b) XBox Geometry Wars 3.
	GW3 is a classic, or should be!
Woah woah woah, University of Regina?!? Are you from here? Cool to see a UofR grad had such a major impact!	Yup! Check out the regina sub for a recent article
When working on MS-DOS what did you think of alternatives such as 4DOS, NDOS or DR-DOS, were they source of inspiration for new features or not at all ?	No in general, but Norton had NCD. It was a change folder command that could jump around the disk, so if you typed "NCD drivers" from the root, it could go down to "C:\windows\system32\drives". Super handy.
	So I tried to write one for NT, but it meant changing the working directory of the PARENT process (cmd.exe) and I could never figure out a clean and elegant way to do it without modifying CMD itself!
Which is the best version of Windows? (Figuratively speaking).	Windows NT 4.0

Do Autonomous Trucks dream of C.W. McCall? Part 9- a new home

Tran was a shitty gambler, Chi mused. He played poker like he was sure the next hand would save him. It didn’t. He overpromised and underpaid. Chi planned on kicking his ass to send a message, but Tran ran that line of shit about millions in bitcoin. Against his better judgment, Chi settled Tran’s debts with every other loan-shark in town and fronted another stack of cash.
And all that ended with Tran gambling that away, talking a load of shit and ending up in this dumpster with a trash-bag tied around his neck.
Chi looked at Tran’s phone and wondered if the money was ever real. Considering it might point back at him, he smashed it against the corner of the dumpster a few times before dropping it and walking back to his car. He had some debts to pay.
Falstaff looked at the paper maps in the motel’s office. He followed the Interstate southeast to the desert and what used to be the California- Arizona border. He looked for places he hadn’t heard of being associated with edgy festivals. Even better, motels with chain-sounding names. That’s the place nobody’d look for him.
He packed his car, coaxed Hank back in the carrier and got in his car. Before he got going, he booted his laptop and put the memory card back in. Evidence wasn’t a problem any more, it was getting found.
He copied the contents to his laptop and poked around. Ten minutes later, he had set up a password cracker against the accounts, hoping that Tran would choose something easier to remember and therefore guessable.
He plugged the laptop’s power supply into the car’s cigarette lighter, then put the laptop on a bag on the back seat.
East he went.
Geoff had the night shift on another Internet giant’s campus. This meant he drove a golf cart around once or twice, then parked himself in the camera room and tried not to sleep. Sleeping would cut his hourly wage and get him kicked back to dangerous, dirty jobs like protecting rail yards from motivated thieves.
He used to pick a skill and research it. He learned to get basic vocabulary in Spanish, Mandarin, Fujianese and was trying Tagalog. He could carry a conversation as long as it revolved around simple topics, like where the bathroom, parking lot and reception desk were, or that he wanted to purchase something.
Tonight he picked at that truck thing again. He used a map application to virtually drive between Phoenix and San Diego. After a few hours, he found the spot on the Interstate that looked like the right landscape from the cameras on the pinball machine. He looked at the street view and the camera view over the older man’s shoulder.
Motherfucker. Spot dab in the withdrawn zone.
Who travels to the middle of nowhere to steal from a truck and only take some stuff?
Couldn’t be locals. Locals would strip the truck bare.
He watched the video again. Looks like they took plain grocery shipping boxes.
Inside job? And steal boxes of fresh pasta and imported wine?
He scrolled back and took a few screengrabs. When he worked security at the shiny new headquarters, they had some wild surveillance tools. Real time tracking using AI image enhancement and they taught you how to use it.
Geoff got pretty good at it. He looked over at his phone and opened the scheduling application for his employer. He underbid a few other people and picked up the next shift.
Which got him reinstated access to the HQ’s slick surveillance system. He uploaded the images and asked it to clean it up. He expected this to take a bit of time, so he cleaned up and got ready for his shift.
And his phone dinged. A match.
That he didn’t ask for. Ten seconds later, he saw a corporate ID card. With that bored look of middle aged techie.
Falstaff.
Huh. Dumb name. Looked familiar, but so did every other techie from where he stood. Probably had more money in options than he’d ever earn.
As he drove to work, he wondered why a techie would be robbing trucks in the middle of nowhere instead of getting rich or dying fat here.
He parked, took the shuttle and made it a few minutes early for shift change. He expected a slow night.
Five minutes into the shift, he was sipping good coffee and watching the camera feeds when someone asked for him by name at the desk.
He looked up and saw one of the muscular internal security people smiling at him. Close cropped hair, clear coiled earpiece and the look of someone who worked out at an actual gym instead of lifting five gallon buckets filled with water in a rest stop parking lot. Looked like internal security, maybe even VIP protection.
Guy probably had pretty good benefits. Geoff would love to get a job like that.
Geoff pushed his coffee to the side and stood up to greet the guy asking about him.
Enzokuhle gave Geoff a broad smile and introduced himself as Enzo. The two men were pleasant with one another, but Geoff seemed wary. Enzo didn’t know why he was there either. He was scheduled to do driving and personal protection for a senior exec working in his office, but he got tasked with asking a contract security guard some questions about something very hush-hush.
Whatever. He was good with people. Perhaps he’d learn something.
“Geoff, may we speak outside? This is a sensitive matter, requiring some discretion”
Geoff motioned to his puzzled co-worker by holding up his hand, splaying his fingers and mouthing the word “Five”. The two men walked through the stark but stylish lobby onto a manicured park-like field.
“So, what do you want from me? Not too often we get you guys involved”
“An hour ago, you performed a lookup for a company employee. Have you been in contact with that employee?”
“No. I had an image I wanted processed”
There was an uncomfortable silence as the walked. Geoff realized that Enzo was listening to his ear-piece. Enzo was nodding as he listened.
“I see. So you haven’t seen this person outside the picture you uploaded”
“No, but I have an idea where he might be”
Enzokuhle put his hand up. He wanted to end this transaction as quickly as possible.
“Thank you. Please do not speak of this to anybody else. Your discretion is most important here. Return to your post and we will contact you if we need more from you”. He pointed Geoff back to the lobby without making eye contact.
Galina Ivanova spent a few more minutes talking to Enzo, then thanked him. This was a false lead. AI must be glitchy. No chance that the developer who stole almost a billion dollars was unloading trucks instead of moving that big pile of money somewhere.
Any additional time logged to this goose chase would make her metrics worse. She took off her headset and tried to go back go sleep.
Geoff sat back in his chair. He remembered a video of a scuba diver diving under a moving container ship, looking up at the moving propeller and how close they almost came to a gruesome death.
Why was that guy important enough to throw an alert to internal security?
He looked at his phone and the email with Falstaff’s ID photo. He couldn’t do any lookups to see the last time he was in any of the buildings, since that fed into whatever alerts that brought Internal Security down on his head.
But he remembered something. Employee parking wasn’t owned by Corporate. It was a separate company, which required him to remind annoyed techies when their photo ID wouldn’t trip the gate when some absent-minded developer forgot their garage access card.
Last time this Falstaff guy used the garage was almost two months ago. Such a stereotype. Silver Porsche. Now he knew why the guy looked familiar. He left the day that big brouhaha happened. Rumors flew about the security and custodial staff- some developers stole the next phone design or a treasure trove of celebrity nude photos or something else of value to these people. Anybody too vocal with their opinions got fired and walked out, which Geoff wanted to avoid.
Whatever it was, it was valuable and embarrassing. Made sense to go hide in the desert.
And he had an idea where Falstaff was. Maybe, if he brought him back, there’d be a big enough reward to let him to leave the Valley and go back to Ohio. Pay off debts and raise his family.
It wasn’t like he was making any headway here anyway. He was going on a road trip.
Falstaff was driving slower now. He needed better fuel economy and to take the time to scout out his next stop. Some towns had plain dried up and others still too connected. The last place looked promising. The gas station was a weatherbeaten Sinclair, with a repainted dinosaur. They only took cash. The chain restaurant was burned out and there was a motel “a few miles up”.
Hank was sleeping, but Falstaff’s laptop dinged with the results of his attempt to crack Tran’s big blob of data.
He had passwords for the handful of accounts Tran had dumped on that chip. They weren’t for the financial application he and Tran were working on. Instead, they were for the store’s production environment. He didn’t have a billion dollars in untraceable currency, but he could send almost any consumer good to anybody on the planet and clean up afterwards.
He had some investigating to do, and he preferred a cheap motel to do it from rather than his car.
He rented a room for a few days from a surprised old man and tried to ignore the curious stares from a few permanent residents of the motel.
At least Hank enjoyed exploring the room and this motel would not get the camera friendly festival crowd.

Tagged

Steven wasn’t the first to get the call, but he was the first to arrive at the hospital. So much was new about his home life- the apartment, the bed he hadn’t fully broken in yet, even his cell phone- but the act of getting that call, dragging himself out of bed and leaving his home at an ungodly hour due to another one of his sister’s emergencies had become routine. There was so little urgency that he stopped for coffee on the way.
Sure, Olivia had her wrists clear of handcuffs and patient identification bands for a good few months at this point, but Steven never stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. That night, it had, as she was found in an abandoned factory, a can of spray paint in her hand and a needle in her arm. He bitterly wondered, during the drive, whether he was even going to the hospital to see if it his sister was okay, or just to validate his belief that she hadn’t ‘gotten better’ as she so often claimed.
He wasn’t heartless, however, as proven by the pit stop at the vending machine down the hall from her room. Three dollars later, he had a bag of Bugles and a Hershey’s bar. “The chips are the snack, the chocolates are for my health,” she’d said the first time she’d overdosed.
The snacks had become part of their post-relapse ritual, and this time, Steven wondered if his actions were contributing to the pattern. His sister had become conditioned, knowing that she would have a recovery support system no matter how many times she broke their hearts. He pushed those thoughts aside; he was there for family, not to shove the needle in her arm.
He opened the door to her room, and knew without a word that something was off. Sure, Olivia was still hooked up to an IV, and sure, she was still in a gown, but something about her face was different. She wasn’t apologetic or upset with herself, she was furious.
“I’m not hungry,” she said as soon as he held up the snacks.
“Fair enough,” he conceded, setting them down on the table beside her bed. “How you feeling?”
“I didn’t do it,” she blurted out, staring at him with bloodshot eyes. “You have to believe me. None of them believe me.”
Steven sat down in one of the visitor’s chairs, pulling his mask off. “Why don’t they believe you? What happened this time?”
“Fuck your ‘this time,’ Steve!” She sat up, pointing to the door. “They drugged me after I saw something, man, something impossible. Now they’re saying I relapsed, but I didn’t. They knocked me out and they drugged me.”
Olivia had the same wild desperation in her eyes that accompanied her during the first hospital stay, when she told their parents that she’d never taken drugs. However, while Steven didn’t believe her then, something told Steven to believe her now.
“Okay,” he said, holding his hands up in defeat. “Let’s say this did happen. What did you see?”
Her eyes got wide, her lower lip trembling. “It was massive, bigger than any man I’ve ever seen. It snuck up on me while I was working on a mural, and-”
“You’re tagging again?” Steven interrupted. He knew it wasn’t the point, but he couldn’t help himself.
“I said mural, asshole. Of Grandma, by the way. It was turning out great, you’d have loved it.” Olivia took a moment to calm herself, a skill Steven hadn’t mastered quite yet. “That’s not the point. I saw its shadow creep up behind me, and I turned and I saw it. I’m telling you, this thing was huge, like eight feet tall or something.”
“Why do you keep saying ‘thing’?” Steven asked.
“Because it wasn’t fucking human,” Olivia said. “It was kinda shaped like a person, but it had, like, fur on it. It had a tail, too, just swinging behind it while it stared at me. I couldn’t get a good look at its face because the light was to the back of it, but I could see around it. It had this massive red mane, like a lion. It just kept looking at me, like it was curious, like it didn’t know what to do with me. And then they showed up.”
“Who?” Steven thought he knew better than to get pulled into this story, but Olivia had a historically shit poker face. She believed what she was saying, and as unreliable a narrator as she was- drugs and all- he still wanted to know what she thought she saw.
“They looked like a SWAT team,” Olivia explained. “They ran in, and it roared so loud I thought my ears would bleed. It started running on all fours, not away from but towards them, and it pounced on one of them before they could get a shot off. I couldn’t see what it was doing to him, but I heard bones snapping, like it was crushing him. Then this huge guy ran up with one of those big ram things they use to knock doors down with, and they swung down at the thing. It yelped, and before it could get up, the other SWAT guys surrounded it and they shocked the hell out of it with these cattle prod sticks.”
“So you saw a SWAT team catch a Thundercat?” Steven joked. He knew she believed her own story, but someone in the conversation had to bring them back down to earth.
“Yes!” she said. “I know how it sounds, but that’s what I saw! They stunned me too, and when I woke up, I was there alone when a needle in my arm and an ambulance siren going off in the distance. By the time I knew what had happened, they were already pulling the needle out and putting me on the stretched.”
She stared at Steven expectedly. He considered what she told him, and tried to put on the most understanding and non-judgmental face he could. “Olivia, do you remember buying the drugs?”
She threw the Bugles at him, which he nearly caught, the bag nailing him in the forehead. “I’m not asking you to believe me right off the bat, you douche! I know it sounds impossible.”
“Then what do you want me to do?” he asked.
Olivia pointed at the door again. “No one knew where I was, and no one knew what I was up to. I burned those bridges with everyone who enabled me so that I could get better. Who called the ambulance? My phone has no record of it, so it couldn’t have been me.”
“So I’m supposed to believe the Lion-O story over you relapsing?” Steven shook his head. “I’m sorry, but if that’s your-”
“-I have proof,” Olivia interrupted. “I was recording the process of making the mural, so I could show you and the rest of our happy little family after it was done. Just in case someone caught me, I hid my camera beneath an old tire in the factory, so I could come back for it after running off. It’s a time lapse, so it’s not a video, but the photos should all be there.”
And there it is, Steven realized. The certainty. She thinks she has evidence. “Fine,” he said, playing along, “I’ll get your camera and bring it back here. Where’s the factory?”
Five minutes later, he was back in the car, downing the last of the now-cold coffee as he followed the GPS’ instructions. Steven realized, as he neared the empty old factory, that he was again waiting for the other shoe to drop. Olivia wasn’t lying to him, but she was lying to herself. All he needed was the proof, and then she’d have to accept defeat and return to rehab.
The mural was far from finished, but he could see the resemblance already. Olivia’s talent for painting was always an untapped ability, and even if through tagging, Steven was happy to see her exploring it. He walked up to the mural, spotted the empty needle on the ground, and turned around. The camera had to be there somewhere.
The tire was half-hidden by shadows, but Steven could see that something was propping it up. He raised the tire high enough to reach underneath, and pulled the camera out from beneath before setting it back down. The battery was dead, but Olivia had given him a fresh replacement before he left. Without wasting any time, Steven switched the batteries and turned the camera on.
He pulled up the photos it took, and first saw the image of the blank mural. It must have been a few hours, before daylight. He continued to press the previous image button, and finally found an image of the red ambulance lights flashing on the wall from outside. Going back further, he saw a single shot of the EMTs carting Olivia away. So far, exactly what I expected, Steven thought.
Continuing, he passed by a few heartbreaking shots of Olivia motionless on the wall, needle still in arm. He’d have to delete those at some point. He continued back, and nearly dropped the camera.
In the next photo, there were several men in tactical gear surrounding Olivia. One was kneeling next to her, with a needle in his gloved hand. Near the camera, one of the men was holding a battering ram.
“What the fuck?” he asked himself, going back one more image. His hands shook as he saw the next picture, of Olivia tagging the wall. Behind her, standing on hind legs, was a large creature. It had orange fur all across its body, a tail protruding from its lower back, and a large red mane around its head. Jesus, he realized, she was telling the truth.
There was one more detail that Olivia hadn’t noticed, as her back was turned at this point: the cat had one hand cocked back, as if ready to strike, large claws protruding from its fingertips.
The people who drugged his sister had saved her life.
Steven removed the memory card from the camera. His sister didn’t need to know the truth. He’d tell her he couldn’t find the camera, gaslight her if he had to. These people had drugged her, discrediting an addict to keep this terrifying creature a secret. What would they do to Olivia if they found out she had proof of their actions? What else would they do to keep their secret?
She was a terrible liar, but Steven was not. He’d carry the burden, and if he ever felt that releasing the images was an appropriate action, he’d do so. Until then, it was his secret to keep.

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